HOW 2 ENGLISH BECAUSE U SUCK AT ENGLISH PLS READ OKTHX

[FrostByte]

WELCOME TO FROSTBYTE'S TUTORIAL ON HOW TO 2 ENGLISH PROPERLY HOSTED BY THE HOST WITH THE MOST FROSTBYTE





OK, no, seriously, even people who know how to type properly 99% of the time still lack some very basic understanding of some very basic principles of the English language. This isn't all your fault; English is a bitch to learn and a pain in the ass to master. However, if you just follow some of my simple steps, then all will be fine in the world.

Let's start with easy stuff:
Noun - Person, place, thing - The subject of a sentence is always a noun.
"Dark.Revenant is actually a girl." Dark.Revenant is the subject of that sentence

Verb - action word - the subject of a sentence (noun) always performs an action (verb).
"Dark.Revenant is actually a girl." In this case, the word "is" is the verb in the sentence. Dark.Revenant is BEING a girl and BEING is a verb.

_____________________________
Intermediate stuff:

Who's = contraction for "who is." If you read your sentence and replace "who's" with "who is," and it still sounds good, then you've got the right one.
Good: "I killed RookRanger, who's one of the worst offenders of bad English on sc2mafia.com."
BAD: "Who's butt is in my face?" Oh, right, that's Bunny's butt. I thought it looked familiar.

Whose = possessive form of "who." Basically, when you're talking about someone who has something, you use this word. E.g "Whose butt is in my face?"
WHOSE =/= WHO IS.



To = action word... "I am going to kill you for misusing Engrish"
Too = comparative description word... "You're too fucking dumb to speak proper English."
Two = number... "I kicked that bitch in the face two times for misusing Engrish."


Where = describes the position of something... "Where are you? I'm gonna kick you in the face."
Were = past plural tense of "am." When you are talking about multiple people being somewhere or doing something in the past, you use "were." "They were misusing English, so I killed them."

Your = shows possession of someone you're talking to. "Your English teachers in highschool must have sucked."
You're = contraction for "you are." If you put the words "you are" into your sentence and it doesn't sound right, you're using the wrong form of your.
"You're retarded."
Without contraction: "You are retarded."
____________________


WHEN TO USE APOSTROPHE:
Contractions: "I can't understand how people don't know how to use English properly."
Same sentence WITHOUT CONTRACTIONS: "I cannot understand how people do not know how to use English properly."

To show possession: "I have a boot with RookRanger's name on it."
*SPECIAL NOTE* The only time the apostrophe doesn't apply to possession is when you're using the word "WHOSE."

WHEN TO NOT USE APOSTROPHE:
Present tense verbs OR plural nouns: "It gets on my nerves when people misuse apostrophes."
DO NOT WRITE THE FOLLOWING OR YOU WILL LOOK LIKE A FUCKING LOON: "It get's on my nerve's when people misuse apostrophe's."
When read out fully, the bad sentence would read: "It get is on my nerve is when people misuse apostrophe is."
DOES THAT MAKE FUCKING SENSE?
NO!!!1!!!!!



Swam vs. swum:
When the sentence should include the word "have," you would use swum.
When the sentence should NOT include the word "have," you should use swam.

"I swam in the blood of nazis." is correct.
"I have swum in the blood of nazis." is also correct.




PLEASE READ AND FOLLOW. NONE OF THIS IS VERY HARD AT ALL. YOU WILL HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT WHILE YOU WRITE FOR A LITTLE WHILE BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT WHEN YOU GO TO WRITE A RESUME AND DON'T ACCIDENTALLY FUCK SOMETHING UP AND LOOK LIKE A RETARD TO A POTENTIAL EMPLOYER BECAUSE YOU WERE USED TO WRITING IT WRONG.
ALSO IT'S FUCKING ANNOYING STOP PLS.


Also, I really do love you all. This is legitimately for your own help. (It is in a very small amount for my own reasons I will admit, but I did it mostly so you guys could have the benefit.)



If there is anything I should add just suggest and I will try to explain it.
(no offense to DR, lol, it was just the example I thought of. <3)

[Damus_Graves]

i saw thes an couldnt decude if trolling or serius.

Edit: I saw this and couldn't decide if you were trolling or serious. (for the ones that don't understand)

[FrostByte]

i saw thes an couldnt decude if trolling or serius.

Edit: I saw this and couldn't decide if you were trolling or serious. (for the ones that don't understand)

So serious.
You're actually the reason why I finally decided to actually make this thread. Your English is great most of the time, but there are some times when you make some very common mistakes.

[Ash]

Good job...

[Damus_Graves]

thanks. im not as up to date on English grammar rules as i should be considering my family has a history of being English professors.

[creedkingsx]

WHAT IS SWUM

[FrostByte]

WHAT IS SWUM

Updated OP

[creedkingsx]

Am I allowed to say, "off of?"
How about ending a sentence with the word, "of?"

[Brendan]

Mfw op has lots of accidental errors in his post. What is engrish?

[creedkingsx]

Just to clarify, I am completely okay with this being is Serious Discussion. People need to learn how to use grammar.

[FrostByte]

Mfw op has lots of accidental errors in his post. What is engrish?

It was intentional, actually. For lulz. And if you don't believe me, ask Bruno. It's a term I use fairly often.
https://engrish.com/

[FrostByte]

Am I allowed to say, "off of?"
How about ending a sentence with the word, "of?"

"Off of" is actually questionable... some schools of thought disagree with that use, some don't. When communicating with other native English speakers, I don't believe it hinders the ability to communicate at all to say "Get off of my nuts" rather than "Get off my nuts." It's up to you.


Ending sentences with "of" is something that English teachers 20 years ago would have knocked you for, but right now it's actually acceptable.
E.g "Is this a community we would like to be a part of?" rather than "Is this a community of which we would like to be a part?"
Even though I'm a grammar nazi and I haven't had a single mark off for grammar in any of the 931847219567 papers I've written in college in the last 4 years, I honestly think the second one sounds too "proper" for me even when I'm writing a paper. They're both acceptable use & I might actually make fun of someone who uses the second form on sc2mafia lol.
& since this thread actually has use and is informational I figured it would be better in srsdisc.

[oops_ur_dead]

OXFORD COMMA Y/N?

[FrostByte]

OXFORD COMMA Y/N?

I thought about explaining commas. I decided against it so long as we're not flooded with gross misuse of them... communication on here is more of a thought-to-finger type of deal & I personally pretty much ignore comma usage on here.

The answer is it depends on what I'm writing the paper for: If it's a research paper then yes, because of the possibility of it being published one day. Otherwise fuck it, I won't bother with it.

[JSaint]

Well another thing to note is present and past participles

Do - Present
Did - Past
Didn't - Present Participle equivalent of 'am still doing'

[FrostByte]

Well another thing to note is present and past participles

Do - Present
Did - Past
Didn't - Present Participle equivalent of 'am still doing'

No.

Do - Present
Did - Past
Didn't - Past negative.

Didn't = did not
DID = past
Not = negative

[cookies4you]

Impressive work, my dear FrostByte.

However, it appears that you've forgotten about my presence. I, Cookies, am a master of the English language.

[FrostByte]

Impressive work, my dear FrostByte.

However, it appears that you've forgotten about my presence. I, Cookies, am a master of the English language.

Sorry, broheim, but until you get straight As in 3 semesters worth of college classes taught by a professor who used to be the head of the English department at Purdue (where the OWL came from), GTFO.

[oops_ur_dead]

What are English equivalents of perfective/imperfective aspects?

Also, does a plural you exist?

[BorkBot]

your a grammer nazi lol

[clementine]

How about including a section on common English internet abbreviations that are not acceptable replacements for real words.

Example:
Oops you're dead! vs. Oops ur dead!

[oops_ur_dead]

Should I change my name to oops_u're_dead, then, to make it more grammatically correct?

[FrostByte]

What are English equivalents of perfective/imperfective aspects?

Also, does a plural you exist?

We don't have perfective/imperfective aspect in Engrish. They don't exist... when translating from another language which uses them, we just butcher them into separate words, lol.


Yes - you all.

[Phyr]

I thought about explaining commas.

This would be very much appreciated.
Dust raged at me at one point for my use of commas. I read up on them on the web, but I'm still not sure on how to place them correctly.

[Bahkieh]

I always try to make sure my grammar is correct but, I am just horrible at it. Friggin commma and semicolon, I don't know where to put you D:

Please give me more lessons. I killed my last english teacher because he wasted my time.

[Damus_Graves]

This would be very much appreciated.
Dust raged at me at one point for my use of commas. I read up on them on the web, but I'm still not sure on how to place them correctly.

Commas can be used like so:

I would like chocolate, but momma says im to fat.

I would like to introduce my friend, William Barrow, to the court.

I need eggs, sugar, flour, cooking spray, and a frying pan.

[BorkBot]

I need eggs, sugar, flour, cooking spray, and a frying pan.

Last comma = BAD, no?

You can sometimes use it before and, but not in a list I think.

[Damus_Graves]

If memory serves right, they change the rule to include being able to do as I have demonstrated

[JSaint]

Did not do = am still doing.

Because the state of the work is the same. Clearly you did not get the fact that I was being a wisecrack.

[Brendan]

However, if you just follow some of my simple steps, then all will be fine in the world.

op in this sentence you do not need the "then" it is redundant.
pls fix it bothers me.

[FrostByte]

However, if you just follow some of my simple steps, then all will be fine in the world.

op in this sentence you do not need the "then" it is redundant.
pls fix it bothers me.

It's an if, then statement. Classic use of a comma & classic proper sentence.
Stop trying to get one up on me, Brendan. It will NOT happen.
Alternatively:
Brendan, seeing as it will not happen, I would appreciate you not trying to get one up on me.
One will not be gotten up on me, Brendan; stop trying.
etc
etc

[FrostByte]

Explaining commas requires knowledge of parts of speech and sentence structure. It's a little more complicated, but I can give it a shot.
Give me just a bit to read up on it and I'll give it a go.

[oops_ur_dead]

Are Nicki Minaj songs good examples of proper English grammar?

[gaspiden]

Good work man. Although I don't think it'll prove to be very necessary, the vast majority of members are quite literate and conduct their posts as so (from what I have seen). Your post only covers very rudimentary material, which I guess in all intents and purposes is very practical for a forum, but not entirely helpful.

I'd rather see a topic discussing advanced usage of the english language, such as the proper usage of colons, semicolons, and hyphens. This of course is just for one to develop stylistic brilliance; to command the english language with such flourish and authenticity, as to give maximum effect.

[FrostByte]

Op stop bring so redundant.

I'm explaining English as would be proper in the context in which it's being explained. E.g a forum.

Redundancies are sometimes necessary... excuse me for my lack of conciseness.

Also, I'm not bring so redundant. You bring so bad grammar.

[JSaint]

It's for emphasis... the same way italics dun do anything but when I say...

I had sex with a hot girl ...

and

I had sex with a hot girl

and

I had sex with a hot girl

It is obvious each sentence has a different emphasis. Like I already told Frostbyte. I dun care which form it really is, as long as you get most of the picture. What people choose to emphasize and highlight in each case, and to express, is really their own choice Brenan, and it ain't wrong. Just like my italics ain't redundant.

[JSaint]

We need some proper english around here ^_^

[Gingerape]

It get's on my nerve's, when people, misuse apostrophe's.

[Dark.Revenant]

Whose going too notice if I mess up my grammar? Who's idea is this? Really, this is to much. Were are we? Oh, thats right: where on MY -- DARK.REVENANTS -- SITE. Keep you're "proper" word's off my bandwidth, or your going to die. Oh, and I swum my dick up your ass like no man will have swam before.

Edit: Fixed some of my grammar so you wouldnt not rage two much. You done fucked good.

[Cryptonic]

Whose going too notice if I mess up my grammar? Who's idea is this? Really, this is to much. Were are we? Oh, thats right: where on MY -- DARK.REVENANTS -- SITE. Keep you're "proper" word's off my bandwidth, or your going to die. Oh, and I swum my dick up your ass like no man will have swam before.

Edit: Fixed some of my grammar so you wouldnt not rage two much. You done fucked good.

Thank for you posting this

[FrostByte]

Whose going too notice if I mess up my grammar? Who's idea is this? Really, this is to much. Were are we? Oh, thats right: where on MY -- DARK.REVENANTS -- SITE. Keep you're "proper" word's off my bandwidth, or your going to die. Oh, and I swum my dick up your ass like no man will have swam before.

Edit: Fixed some of my grammar so you wouldnt not rage two much. You done fucked good.

I see your jackassery and raise you 5,000 trolls.
UMADBRO because
UBADBRO @ Engrish
Frost's English is greater than Ms. DR's Engrish so DR is madbro.

Nao Dirk Revanent im gunna giev yo won chants two say your sorry or
bat things wheel heppen example i make yo reed this outloud: i yam wheely sofaking wii todd ed
that is just some won thing i am capbnle of

[Dark.Revenant]

I see your jackassery and raise you 5,000 trolls.
UMADBRO because
UBADBRO @ Engrish
Frost's English is greater than Ms. DR's Engrish so DR is madbro.

Nao Dirk Revanent im gunna giev yo won chants two say your sorry or
bat things wheel heppen example i make yo reed this outloud: i yam wheely sofaking wii todd ed
that is just some won thing i am capbnle of

Wow look at this guy.

[FrostByte]

face with out british there would be no world wide web
Sir Timothy John "Tim" Berners-Lee, OM, KBE, FRS, FREng, FRSA (born 8 June 1955),also known as "TimBL", is a British computer scientist, MIT professor and the inventor of the World Wide Web. He made a proposal for an information management system in March 1989[2] and on 25 December 1990, with the help of Robert Cailliau and a young student at CERN, he implemented the first successful communication between a Hypertext Transfer Protocol (HTTP) client and server via the Internet.
yeah i copy stuff but yeah go britain

This is serious discussion.
I would appreciate a lack of blatant trolling in my thread.
Pffffft and you call yourself the head vigi troll killer.

[TheWORSTicle]

Hey, OP, You Forgot To Mention The Rules Regarding Capitalization. I Know It Seems Simple, But It Bothers Me Ever So Much When I See Something Like This.

[Yayap]

At least I can understand the bad grammar and typos in English. When reading my french friends posts on facebook, I have to spend 5 minutes just trying to figure out what they are saying due to extremely bad grammar and spelling.

On a side note:

This is serious discussion.
I would appreciate a lack of blatant trolling in my thread.
Pffffft and you call yourself the head vigi troll killer.

If you want something done, contact the real vigilante, not the fake knock off wannabes.

[McKinley]

Whose going too notice if I mess up my grammar? Who's idea is this? Really, this is to much. Were are we? Oh, thats right: where on MY -- DARK.REVENANTS -- SITE. Keep you're "proper" word's off my bandwidth, or your going to die. Oh, and I swum my dick up your ass like no man will have swam before.

Edit: Fixed some of my grammar so you wouldnt not rage two much. You done fucked good.

This type of shit is why DR is the best developer out there.

[Damus_Graves]

At the very least, he can rip a guy a new one easy.

[FrostByte]

BUMP: comma info incoming tomorrow for those who are interested

[McKinley]

WHY DO YOU NOT TALK ABOUT THE CLAUSES.

[AppleyNO]

WHY DO YOU NOT TALK ABOUT THE CLAUSES.

FROST

Needs more Clauses. Thank you.