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Thread: Jokes

  1. ISO #1

    Red face Jokes

    Why was the picture sent to prison? It was framed.

    My dad died last year when my family couldn't remember his blood type in time for the paramedics to give him a blood transfusion.
    As he was dying he kept insisting "be positive", but it's hard without him.

    A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?"

    Geology rocks, but Geography is where it's at!

    Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.

    Why is there always a gate around cemeteries? Because people are always dying to get in.

    I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

    When will the little snake arrive? I don't know but he won't be long...

    Did you hear the one about the guy with the broken hearing aid? Neither did he.

    Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

    Why did the opera singer go sailing? They wanted to hit the high Cs.

  2. ISO #2

    Re: Jokes

    YES

    This is perfect lol
    Quote Originally Posted by The Lawyer View Post
    Besides your lamp and your refridgerators, do you find anyone else suspicious?
    Quote Originally Posted by oliverz144 View Post
    it looks like many, e.g. MM and lag, suffered under the influence of paopan. However there is a victim: frinckles. He left the path of rationality and fully dived into the parallel reality of baby shark, king shark, and soviet union pizzas.
    Spoiler : The meaning of life :

  3. ISO #3

    Re: Jokes

    They say, 'Mitch, don't use liquor as a crutch!'
    But I can't use liquor as a crutch, because a crutch helps me walk!
    Alcohol is not like a crutch, it's like a step I didn't see.

    Alcohol is a disease, but it's the only disease you can get yelled at for having!
    'Damn it Otto, you have Lupus! Damn it Otto, you're an alcoholic!'
    One of those doesn't sound right!

    An AIDS test is very scary to get. No matter what you've been doing, waiting for the results is frightening! That's why I don't get the regular AIDS test anymore. I get the roundabout AIDS test. I call up my friend Brian and go, 'Brian, do you know anybody who has AIDS? ... No? ... Cool!'

  4. ISO #4

  5. ISO #5

    Re: Jokes

    I wondered where the sun had gone, then it dawned on me

    What was a more important invention than the first telephone? The second one.

    There are three types of people in the world:
    Those who can count and those who can’t.

    The first time I got a universal remote control I thought to myself, "This changes everything"

    My friend told me that pepper is the best seasoning for a roast, but I took it with a grain of salt.

    I made a belt out of watches once... It was a waist of time.

    What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?
    I don't know and I don't care.

    Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State Building can't jump.

    They laughed when I said I wanted to be a comedian – they’re not laughing now.

    How does the ocean say hi? It waves!

    Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s faster than walking!

    Why is a football stadium always cold? It has lots of fans!

    Knock, knock!
    Who’s there?
    Woo.
    Woo-hoo!

  6. ISO #6

    Re: Jokes

    ⡿⢋⡿⠛⣡⣿⣿⡟⢉⣽⣟⢡⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⡏⠰⠏⠽⠿⠿⣿⣿⣿⣿
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    ⣤⣾⡟⣋⣠⡄⡀⣀⢀⡢⢌⣙⣿⡄⢻⣿⣿⠏⡸⠟⣩⢠⡀⠤⢠⡄⣲⣶⣿
    ⣿⡿⢷⣌⡛⠧⠤⠄⠘⣛⣂⣼⣿⡇⢠⣶⡆⠄⣿⡶⣦⣤⣤⣤⣴⣾⣿⣿⣿
    ⣿⣿⠦⠬⠉⠉⠙⠛⠿⣿⣿⣿⡟⠄⢹⣿⣿⡄⠸⣷⣦⣬⣭⣭⣤⣶⣶⣾⣿
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    ⣤⣉⡛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⠛⣋⠠⠂⣰⠁⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣄⠄⠙⠻⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⣉
    ⣿⣿⠛⣿⣿⣿⣿⠿⢋⣤⡆⢸⣿⡀⢿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⠄⣶⣦⣄⡐⠲⣿⡋⣿
    ⣿⣿⡄⣿⣿⣿⠋⣴⣿⣿⣷⣤⣉⡑⠈⢻⣿⣿⠟⢉⣴⣿⣿⣿⣿⣦⠘⣷⣿
    ⣿⣿⠄⣿⣿⠇⣼⢿⣿⣿⣿⠿⠿⠿⠷⢤⣤⣤⠾⠿⠛⢛⣉⠉⡉⢻⡇⢸⣿
    ⣿⣿⡆⢻⣿⠐⠄⡂⢀⣀⢐⡒⢒⠒⢒⠒⡒⠒⡒⢚⡉⣁⠰⠠⢀⣾⠇⣼⣿
    ⣇⢻⣷⡈⢿⡇⢰⣌⡐⠨⢐⠛⠸⠇⠿⠇⠿⠸⠿⠘⣃⣩⡴⢁⣾⣿⣄⡟⢠
    ⣿⡄⣿⣿⡄⢻⣿⡟⢿⣷⣦⣌⡙⠻⠿⠿⠿⠿⠿⠟⠛⣋⣠⣾⣿⣿⣿⠃⡼
    ⣿⣷⣿⣿⣿⠈⣿⣿⣦⣌⢻⣿⣿⣿⣶⣶⣶⣶⣾⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣿⣁⠊⣴

 

 

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