oops_ur_dead's Cookbook
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  1. ISO #1

    oops_ur_dead's Cookbook

    Sometimes I get some stupid ass idea into my head regarding a shitty recipe I can make. Either I make it up myself or I take inspiration from something else. Given that I'm an adult that lives alone I can do whatever the fuck I want so when I get these ideas I usually act on them. This is my cookbook.

    Dishwasher Steak

    There's a fancy version of cooking from France or some shit that's called sous vide. I think in French it means "food" or something.

    The idea behind sous vide is that you cook shit in water at a certain temperature and it cooks evenly all the way through. You put it in plastic bags so that it doesn't just get watered down and nasty.

    There's another appliance most of us have that relies on filling up a space with a volume of water at a certain temperature: the dishwasher. In fact on eco setting it keeps the water at a nice 50C. This gets the steak to a fantastic rare.

    The recipe consists of seasoning the steak however you want (I use garlic, salt, and pepper) and then throwing it into a bag and getting as much air out as possible before closing the bag. If you've got a vacuum sealer use that, but if you're cooking shit in the dishwasher you probably don't have a vacuum sealer. Throw it in the dishwasher, preferably between some plates, and let it rip on eco setting. If you want, go ahead and throw some detergent and dirty plates in too since the water isn't supposed to get in the bag anyway.

    Once it's cooked it's gonna look weird but like any sous vide cooking you gotta sear it on the pan. First pat the steak dry with paper towels then sear for like 30 seconds on high heat each side, add butter and rosemary if you want.

    Shit comes out truly delicious. Unironically one of the best steaks you'll ever have, better than any restaurant. I've served this to dates and sometimes they call back. For extra flair and impressiveness I skip the pan searing and use a hardware store propane torch.

    Pepsi Max Chicken

    I like chicken breasts and I like Pepsi Max. Let's try to do a nice Pepsi Max reduction sauce to cook the chicken in, sounds like a good idea. It's kinda like how teriyaki is soy sauce, honey, and some other shit. Pepsi sauce might actually be good.

    What I forgot is that since Pepsi Max doesn't have sugar it doesn't really reduce. It ended up turning into this nasty concentrated Pepsi fluid that was still quite thin. And the chicken soaked a bunch of the Pepsi Max up instead of it coating it, turning it a weird brownish colour. Also because there was so much moisture the chicken didn't really get a crust on it.

    It sucked fucking ass and I almost didn't finish it. The only reason I ate it was because I already spent money on the chicken and I needed the protein.

    Cake Mix Fried Chicken

    I was out eating with my homie and we got some fried chicken that had a really weird taste to it. We were wondering what the fuck they added to this chicken to make it taste like that. Was it the oil? The batter? Maybe they added sugar?

    I said "hey man I bet they battered it in cake mix or some shit" and he was like "dude do you have some sort of disease?". I decided to prove him right and also see if that really was the secret.

    To make this recipe, cut chicken breasts into nugget-sized chunks and salt them well. Throw them in a bag and put it in the dishwasher on the pots and pans setting. Let it run, once it's done pat dry and coat with an egg wash. Do one coating of standard yellow cake mix (I haven't tried other flavours but that's a future point of experimentation), or two if you want to indulge, and fry it up like normal. Serve with maple syrup.

    This is legitimately delicious and I'm unironically making it right now. It's like chicken and waffles but in one thing and better. Absolutely amazing.

    Spaghetti Pizza

    This is a fabled meal that they eat in Quebec. I heard about it from a Quebecan friend of mine, who has since gone missing. I don't know if he's alive. He was an unusual feller, perhaps eating spaghetti pizza made him how he is?

    To prepare, get a pizza base and throw a bunch of cooked spaghetti on top. Pour on spaghetti sauce, I used bolognese sauce. Add other spaghetti stuff, like cheese or whatever you want. Cook in the oven at 240C for 7 minutes. Quite simple.

    While this one isn't bad, I do not recommend eating too much of it. The sheer amount of carbs will leave you bloated and too full for any of these other fantastic recipes. I've been meaning to try variants of this one, such as using ravioli as the pizza base or as a stuffed crust, but this is a point of future experimentation.
    Last edited by oops_ur_dead; February 22nd, 2021 at 02:46 PM.

  2. ISO #2

    Re: oops_ur_dead's Cookbook

    add these too



    Quote Originally Posted by yzb25 View Post
    President Fielzanks walks up to his stage, preparing his n1 speech. In front of him, his two cronies MM and David stood. In front of him, his immaculately written n1 speech was prepared. 'Gentleman, what is the soul of capitalism?', he asked his small audience. 'Money?', MM guessed. 'Waifus?', David asked. 'No' Fielz replied, disappointed in his trash scumteam .
    Quote Originally Posted by aamirus View Post
    Naz would never forget the Chik-Fil-A Sauce

  3. ISO #3

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  5. ISO #5

    Re: oops_ur_dead's Cookbook

    The dishwasher offers a range of complex and sophisticated flavours. It feels like a waste not to leave the bag a little open...
    Quote Originally Posted by Blinkstorteddd02 View Post
    naz, he's claiming to have been at your house last night and infected you. I know u were drunk but PLEASE try as hard as you can to remember... That burning you felt the next morning when you went pee was from me, not him.

 

 

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