You kill an infidel...

[Oberon]

... which I’m sad to say is all of us! Then you are greeted at the gates of Heaven by 71 dark head virgins. But actually there was an article written in the New York Times by Islamic scholars saying the actual translation is 71 crystal clear raisins. SLIGHT DIFFERENCE IN INTERPRETATION REALLY! So a guy blows himself up, goes to the gates of Heaven and goes ‘Where are my bitches?’ ‘Here are your raisins!’
Imagine that: so ‘thou shalt not kill’ is really ‘thou shalt not wear a kilt’ and the Scottish are going ‘fuck off!’
But maybe he goes to heaven and there’s George Washington and 70 Members of the Continental Congress going ‘how dare you defile that which I’ve worked to build’ and he goes ‘Where are my 71 virgins?’ and George Washington goes ‘71 Virginians, you asshole!’ And they start beating and kicking the shit out of him! ‘Where is Jesus Christ! I must talk to Jesus Christ!’ And Saint Peter goes: ‘Jesus did you call a cab?’

[Marshmallow Marshall]

... which I’m sad to say is all of us! Then you are greeted at the gates of Heaven by 71 dark head virgins. But actually there was an article written in the New York Times by Islamic scholars saying the actual translation is 71 crystal clear raisins. SLIGHT DIFFERENCE IN INTERPRETATION REALLY! So a guy blows himself up, goes to the gates of Heaven and goes ‘Where are my bitches?’ ‘Here are your raisins!’
Imagine that: so ‘thou shalt not kill’ is really ‘thou shalt not wear a kilt’ and the Scottish are going ‘fuck off!’
But maybe he goes to heaven and there’s George Washington and 70 Members of the Continental Congress going ‘how dare you defile that which I’ve worked to build’ and he goes ‘Where are my 71 virgins?’ and George Washington goes ‘71 Virginians, you asshole!’ And they start beating and kicking the shit out of him! ‘Where is Jesus Christ! I must talk to Jesus Christ!’ And Saint Peter goes: ‘Jesus did you call a cab?’

And so on this day, Bill Bailey passed away, and his soul to Red Heaven flew.
He was met at the gate by old Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels, too.
They said, "Welcome, comrade," as they opened the gate to let Bill come inside,
As he slammed the door back in old Karl's face, these were the words he cried:

"Oh, you may be a friend of Karl Kautsky, and a pal of Ferd LaSalle,
You may get along with William Liebknecht and the First Internationale,
Yes, you may have inspired every radical party from the Hudson to the Rhine,
Oh, you may be a comrade of all of those folks, but you ain't no comrade of mine."

[theoneceko]

ok wtf

[Marshmallow Marshall]

ok wtf