... which I’m sad to say is all of us! Then you are greeted at the gates of Heaven by 71 dark head virgins. But actually there was an article written in the New York Times by Islamic scholars saying the actual translation is 71 crystal clear raisins. SLIGHT DIFFERENCE IN INTERPRETATION REALLY! So a guy blows himself up, goes to the gates of Heaven and goes ‘Where are my bitches?’ ‘Here are your raisins!’
Imagine that: so ‘thou shalt not kill’ is really ‘thou shalt not wear a kilt’ and the Scottish are going ‘fuck off!’
But maybe he goes to heaven and there’s George Washington and 70 Members of the Continental Congress going ‘how dare you defile that which I’ve worked to build’ and he goes ‘Where are my 71 virgins?’ and George Washington goes ‘71 Virginians, you asshole!’ And they start beating and kicking the shit out of him! ‘Where is Jesus Christ! I must talk to Jesus Christ!’ And Saint Peter goes: ‘Jesus did you call a cab?’