I almost had sex earlier today
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  1. #1

    Cool I almost had sex earlier today

    I went to the supermarket earlier today, to buy some cheese and bacon, you know? So I went up to the girl working there and she said: "Good morning, how can I help you?"

    I couldn't believe this naughty bitch was offering herself to me at 7 am, but I managed to keep myself calm and said: "Good morning. I want 300g of mozzarella cheese and 300g of bacon please."

    She started working on my order, and after a while she came to me and said "Sir, I acidentally put 350g of cheese instead of 300g. Can I leave it or do you want me to take some off?"

    Holy fucking shit. I couldn't believe what this cum-addicted slut just said. She knew I only wanted 300g of cheese, but instead of giving me what I asked for she decided to try to have sex with me. I'm gonna explain it to you: what's the difference between 300g and 350g of cheese? That's right, 50 grams. What else has 50 grams? Yes, that's the average weight of a condom packaging, and also the average amount of sperm expelled during a sexual act. And worst of all, do you know which sentence has 50 letters? "Oh daddy please destroy my pussy and cum in my little slut ass".

    I was shocked at the audacity of this whore, but I was better than this. I told her to take a little bit of cheese off, and she said: "is 308g alright sir?" I was shaking and sharting at this point. I couldn't believe she was humiliating herself like this. Do you know what has 8 letters? "I love you". But I didn't love her, I didn't love this attention deprived thot back. So I just said: "I'm not going to give in to your schemes. You should value yourself more, you are better than this".

    As I was paying for my products at the cashier I could hear a great commotion, and I saw that the girl and all the other female employees were crying in unison. I left the supermarket knowing that I did the right thing.

  2. #2

    Re: I almost had sex earlier today

    Ah yes, judging by this, Plotato is a good person.
    Spoiler : Quotes :
    Quote Originally Posted by S-FM Hey peter View Post
    There are two wolves inside you. One is addicted to crack. The other one is also addicted to crack. You are addicted to crack.
    Quote Originally Posted by Stealthbomber16 View Post
    MM IS AN ANTI-VAXXER
    Quote Originally Posted by BananaCucho View Post
    Mallow are you really an anti vaxxer
    Quote Originally Posted by The Lawyer View Post
    Besides your lamp and your refridgerators, do you find anyone else suspicious?
    Quote Originally Posted by Renegade View Post
    God is a goofy loser.

  3. #3

    Re: I almost had sex earlier today

    Keep up the great work!
    I love oops

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  4. #4

    Re: I almost had sex earlier today

    This one's for all my baby girls. I see your comments, ladies, and they make me smile. I'm lurking and I'm stalking when you least expect it. But lately I just been taking care of my business and getting my grind on, but I promise you...I'll be back to play, and get my flirt on.
    Quote Originally Posted by yzb25 View Post
    President Fielzanks walks up to his stage, preparing his n1 speech. In front of him, his two cronies MM and David stood. In front of him, his immaculately written n1 speech was prepared. 'Gentleman, what is the soul of capitalism?', he asked his small audience. 'Money?', MM guessed. 'Waifus?', David asked. 'No' Fielz replied, disappointed in his trash scumteam .
    Quote Originally Posted by aamirus View Post
    Naz would never forget the Chik-Fil-A Sauce

  5. #5

    Re: I almost had sex earlier today

    Quote Originally Posted by Plotato View Post
    I went to the supermarket earlier today, to buy some cheese and bacon, you know? So I went up to the girl working there and she said: "Good morning, how can I help you?"

    I couldn't believe this naughty bitch was offering herself to me at 7 am, but I managed to keep myself calm and said: "Good morning. I want 300g of mozzarella cheese and 300g of bacon please."

    crying i
    She started working on my order, and after a while she came to me and said "Sir, I acidentally put 350g of cheese instead of 300g. Can I leave it or do you want me to take some off?"

    Holy fucking shit. I couldn't believe what this cum-addicted slut just said. She knew I only wanted 300g of cheese, but instead of giving me what I asked for she decided to try to have sex with me. I'm gonna explain it to you: what's the difference between 300g and 350g of cheese? That's right, 50 grams. What else has 50 grams? Yes, that's the average weight of a condom packaging, and also the average amount of sperm expelled during a sexual act. And worst of all, do you know which sentence has 50 letters? "Oh daddy please destroy my pussy and cum in my little slut ass".

    I was shocked at the audacity of this whore, but I was better than this. I told her to take a little bit of cheese off, and she said: "is 308g alright sir?" I was shaking and sharting at this point. I couldn't believe she was humiliating herself like this. Do you know what has 8 letters? "I love you". But I didn't love her, I didn't love this attention deprived thot back. So I just said: "I'm not going to give in to your schemes. You should value yourself more, you are better than this".

    As I was paying for my products at the cashier I could hear a great commotion, and I saw that the girl and all the other female employees were crying in unison. I left the supermarket knowing that I did the right thing.
    Qpp

  6. #6

    Re: I almost had sex earlier today

    Hi baby girl hehe. Everything's okay, I promise. I forgive you. It's okay, don't worry about it. Everything's gonna be okay. I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than there are grains of sand, on every beach, of every planet, of every galaxy of the universe. I-I need you in my life. I need you more than humans need water, and food to survive. You mean more to me than - home depot means to Mr Ladrado. You mean more to me than just anything. You mean more to me than gold and diamonds, mean to the greediest burglar. And you're just the most perfect, most beautiful girl in all of the world, and I love you so much. I hope you enjoy watching this, baby girl kiss, hehe. See you at school tomorrow baby girl. I love you raises eyebrows, hehe. I do, it's true. I love you more than anything else in the world hehehe. Bye baby girl. Stay perfect. Just for me.
    Have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Jar Jar the wise?

  7. #7

    Re: I almost had sex earlier today

    Quote Originally Posted by aamirus View Post
    Hi baby girl hehe. Everything's okay, I promise. I forgive you. It's okay, don't worry about it. Everything's gonna be okay. I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than there are grains of sand, on every beach, of every planet, of every galaxy of the universe. I-I need you in my life. I need you more than humans need water, and food to survive. You mean more to me than - home depot means to Mr Ladrado. You mean more to me than just anything. You mean more to me than gold and diamonds, mean to the greediest burglar. And you're just the most perfect, most beautiful girl in all of the world, and I love you so much. I hope you enjoy watching this, baby girl kiss, hehe. See you at school tomorrow baby girl. I love you raises eyebrows, hehe. I do, it's true. I love you more than anything else in the world hehehe. Bye baby girl. Stay perfect. Just for me.
    RAISES EYEBROWS
    OwO
    UwU!!!!
    Last edited by theoneceko; September 16th, 2020 at 12:22 PM.

  8. #8

    Re: I almost had sex earlier today

    Quote Originally Posted by aamirus View Post
    Hi baby girl hehe. Everything's okay, I promise. I forgive you. It's okay, don't worry about it. Everything's gonna be okay. I love you. I love you so much. I love you more than there are grains of sand, on every beach, of every planet, of every galaxy of the universe. I-I need you in my life. I need you more than humans need water, and food to survive. You mean more to me than - home depot means to Mr Ladrado. You mean more to me than just anything. You mean more to me than gold and diamonds, mean to the greediest burglar. And you're just the most perfect, most beautiful girl in all of the world, and I love you so much. I hope you enjoy watching this, baby girl kiss, hehe. See you at school tomorrow baby girl. I love you raises eyebrows, hehe. I do, it's true. I love you more than anything else in the world hehehe. Bye baby girl. Stay perfect. Just for me.

    @oops_ur_dead on a scale of 1 to cringe, how do you rate that post?
    Spoiler : Quotes :
    Quote Originally Posted by S-FM Hey peter View Post
    There are two wolves inside you. One is addicted to crack. The other one is also addicted to crack. You are addicted to crack.
    Quote Originally Posted by Stealthbomber16 View Post
    MM IS AN ANTI-VAXXER
    Quote Originally Posted by BananaCucho View Post
    Mallow are you really an anti vaxxer
    Quote Originally Posted by The Lawyer View Post
    Besides your lamp and your refridgerators, do you find anyone else suspicious?
    Quote Originally Posted by Renegade View Post
    God is a goofy loser.

  9. #9

 

 

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