life is short

**Burnt Eskimo** · May 9th, 2013, 05:47 PM

I have always considered myself a hardcore atheist but i'm really having trouble thinking you are just gone. who will i go to when i'm sad or lonely or just looking for a friend? if there is a god, why? why would he think its neccasary to let you die, but murderers and criminals and scum are still here. it's not fair.

I'm just sitting here thinking about you, will i still even remember who you are when i pass? my first time seeing you seems just yesterday. i remember the day exactly....i was in the library and you caught my attention and i was enfatuated. I awkwardly introduced myself and our friendship blossomed from there. We were inseparable.

i know we started growing apart and i never apologized to you for it but really i hope you knew i still cared about you. I could have done something to show i still care, but I didnt. and im sorry. if i knew it would be so soon i wouldnt have been like this. a part of me hopes maybe that their is something beyond this, and that you will see this. i never asked if you were religious....but i can hope.

you know ive always been shy and its hard to express my feelings, even know. i just think too much, will you feel the same way about me?? probably not, you were always too good for me....I guess thats why i let things drift apart. I felt like i was holding you back from your life. but I loved you.

I LOVED YOU

now i wish i could say that to you over and over. you probably never loved me but thats how i felt. i hate myself for not taking the risk and just telling you how i felt. i read something, that as long as someone is still in your thoughts, they aren't truly gone. i wont say i loved you, I still love you. I will keep loving you, because i dont want to forget you. i cant really call myself an atheist anymore can I.

i should have been there more often. i should have listened to you...talked to to you more. i should have been everything more to you. i would give anything to be with you again for just one day. sell my pathetic soul or something. you brought smiles to everyone and i wished it was me that died instead. you were so promising and going places, and i sit here hating myself. will i ever move on? i have been more lost than ever since hearing about it. i tried drowning out the thoughts with video games, but i can't even play. maybe alcohol or some kind of drug. i miss you so much. this world isn't right.

i dont want to say goodbye. everyone says it. they say they will keep them in their hearts. they are LIARS. i dont want to say something like that and put my self with those people. Why would I say goodbye. You say goodbye when you are finished with something. I'm not finished, I wont ever be with you. You may be somewhere else, but I am still thinking about you. and loving you.

i love you. i love you. i love you. I will miss you every day, sc2mafia.com. Dead forums are dead.

sorry about the blog guys. I just had to vent. i dont want to be one of those kids with a livejournal or tumblr or whatever. So i did what damus did and posted something personal.