yzb25
March 29th, 2023, 04:39 AM
So, I've been having some pretty profound thoughts lately. But recently I had one that will probably transform the way you see the world, ig.
Sliced bread is overrated.
Yeah, that's right. I fucking went there. I just fucking went there and outright said it. Sliced bread is overrated. I've been purchasing un-sliced bread from the store and it comes with a number of considerable advantages.
- Much fresher. I dunno if it's something to do with the exposure or the preservatives but since I upgraded to eating real bread, sliced bread just feels like plastic in my mouth. Given how much bread I eat in sandwiches, a few slices with breakfast, etc. it seems pretty important to me to make sure such a staple tastes the best it can. So this one is a huge no-brainer to me.
- I gain agency over how I want my bread to be sliced. I find I want slim, delicate slices of bread for my sandwiches, that emphasize the texture and the flavors of the fillings they hold. On the other hand, for breakfast I want broader, heartier slices that leave me feeling satisfied and ready to attack the day. I can add a layer of culture and sophistication to my meals by making these kinds of decisions for myself.
- I gain the gratification that comes with doing a simple, satisfying task myself. In this modern world where the number-nerds are automating driving, human interaction and even art its-fucking-self, there's a certain sense of fulfillment - reassurance, if you will - that comes with carrying out a familiar procedure with my own, god-given hands. It's a temporary escape from the dystopian modern world where every video I watch might be a deepfake and every "fact" I read may have been carefully allocated to me by a sequence of giant matrix multiplications that draw out my subtle set of biases and preconceptions about the world. Is there something so wrong with that? Is there something so fucking wrong with wanting to slice my own bread? Can I at least do that without some obnoxious, insipid tech bro pointing and saying "hahahah! So backwards, bro! Sliced bread, you heard of it bro? What else do you do, draw your own pictures, bro? Go outside and talk to real people, bro? hahahah! What a loser!"
Anyway, I digress. I think I've more or less made my point. Do not get the wrong idea though - I am not some kind of sliced bread hater. I am not some reactionary that will forsake the value of sliced bread entirely. I recognize that, depending on your unique needs and personal circumstances, sliced bread may be the correct choice for you. Instead, I consider myself something of a sliced bread skeptic - a critical thinker, if you will. Every time someone says the phrase "the best thing since sliced bread", I smile wryly to myself, as I am reminded of my own superiority to the scores of imbeciles that surround me, thoughtlessly parroting these catchy phrases without a thought as to their deeper cultural consequences or implications.
I bet you look down on people who believe in Santa Claus, the social contract, and other absurd myths. I bet you delight in regurgitating your explanation to others of the historical implications of using this particular word or the problematic nature of that particular cultural practice. Yet here you are you sad, pathetic sheep, thoughtlessly using this phrase - "the best thing since sliced bread!" - without a modicum of thought given to the oversimplifications and preconceptions it's loaded with.
And I do not doubt for a second that now I have dissected this phrase with my own brilliantly constructed argument, all the sympathizers will crawl out of the woodwork like the ingratiating bottom-feeders they are, insisting they were always aware of the implications of this phrase and its shortcomings. They'll tell us how happy they are that everyone else is finally "catching up". But I see you. I see you for the pathetic fraud you are. You had no idea about the kind of pain you were causing, did you? But you'll say anything to keep that job at that corporation that you've sacrificed your time, your dreams, and even your dignity to gain. If they need you to send out that tweet on the social media page renouncing sliced bread then, well, you'll go ahead and get that done, won't you? That's what we count on you for, after all. You want to take out a mortgage some day like your parents did, after all.
Oh shit I think my bread's gone a bit stale while typing this >.>
Sliced bread is overrated.
Yeah, that's right. I fucking went there. I just fucking went there and outright said it. Sliced bread is overrated. I've been purchasing un-sliced bread from the store and it comes with a number of considerable advantages.
- Much fresher. I dunno if it's something to do with the exposure or the preservatives but since I upgraded to eating real bread, sliced bread just feels like plastic in my mouth. Given how much bread I eat in sandwiches, a few slices with breakfast, etc. it seems pretty important to me to make sure such a staple tastes the best it can. So this one is a huge no-brainer to me.
- I gain agency over how I want my bread to be sliced. I find I want slim, delicate slices of bread for my sandwiches, that emphasize the texture and the flavors of the fillings they hold. On the other hand, for breakfast I want broader, heartier slices that leave me feeling satisfied and ready to attack the day. I can add a layer of culture and sophistication to my meals by making these kinds of decisions for myself.
- I gain the gratification that comes with doing a simple, satisfying task myself. In this modern world where the number-nerds are automating driving, human interaction and even art its-fucking-self, there's a certain sense of fulfillment - reassurance, if you will - that comes with carrying out a familiar procedure with my own, god-given hands. It's a temporary escape from the dystopian modern world where every video I watch might be a deepfake and every "fact" I read may have been carefully allocated to me by a sequence of giant matrix multiplications that draw out my subtle set of biases and preconceptions about the world. Is there something so wrong with that? Is there something so fucking wrong with wanting to slice my own bread? Can I at least do that without some obnoxious, insipid tech bro pointing and saying "hahahah! So backwards, bro! Sliced bread, you heard of it bro? What else do you do, draw your own pictures, bro? Go outside and talk to real people, bro? hahahah! What a loser!"
Anyway, I digress. I think I've more or less made my point. Do not get the wrong idea though - I am not some kind of sliced bread hater. I am not some reactionary that will forsake the value of sliced bread entirely. I recognize that, depending on your unique needs and personal circumstances, sliced bread may be the correct choice for you. Instead, I consider myself something of a sliced bread skeptic - a critical thinker, if you will. Every time someone says the phrase "the best thing since sliced bread", I smile wryly to myself, as I am reminded of my own superiority to the scores of imbeciles that surround me, thoughtlessly parroting these catchy phrases without a thought as to their deeper cultural consequences or implications.
I bet you look down on people who believe in Santa Claus, the social contract, and other absurd myths. I bet you delight in regurgitating your explanation to others of the historical implications of using this particular word or the problematic nature of that particular cultural practice. Yet here you are you sad, pathetic sheep, thoughtlessly using this phrase - "the best thing since sliced bread!" - without a modicum of thought given to the oversimplifications and preconceptions it's loaded with.
And I do not doubt for a second that now I have dissected this phrase with my own brilliantly constructed argument, all the sympathizers will crawl out of the woodwork like the ingratiating bottom-feeders they are, insisting they were always aware of the implications of this phrase and its shortcomings. They'll tell us how happy they are that everyone else is finally "catching up". But I see you. I see you for the pathetic fraud you are. You had no idea about the kind of pain you were causing, did you? But you'll say anything to keep that job at that corporation that you've sacrificed your time, your dreams, and even your dignity to gain. If they need you to send out that tweet on the social media page renouncing sliced bread then, well, you'll go ahead and get that done, won't you? That's what we count on you for, after all. You want to take out a mortgage some day like your parents did, after all.
Oh shit I think my bread's gone a bit stale while typing this >.>