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Thread: Greetings

  1. #41

  2. #42

  3. #43

    Re: Greetings

    Quote Originally Posted by Iced_Monopoly View Post
    I gave you my location. I am Australian. Always have been
    You can Iso me if you like. Lived in Queensland Australia all my life. My address is 137 granadilla St, McGregor. (its actually sunnybank, but technically I fall into the McGregor area for voting.)
    You know, I'm not sure if you're bsing me, but you've earned my respect either way. Lemme look at your house and judge you. Shit, that fucking white truck tho https://www.google.ae/maps/place/137...!4d153.0702265

  4. #44

    Re: Greetings

    It's a share house my dude. I live with 5 other people. I go to Qut, the other go to grifftafe and UQ, it's pretty chill, and cheap, and non of us garden. The landlords actually filled in the pool with rocks, and shit gets to like 40 degrees Celsius in summer, and we have no aircon. Fuck us right?


    Monopoly of the Iced variety

  5. #45

    Re: Greetings

    Spoiler : Poem :
    I love that, you don't need a pool man. Go fight some kangaroos!
    MOMMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

    Australia...
    ..."The Land Down Under. "
    Rugged...
    ... remote...
    ... inhospitable and dangerous.
    Home to 20 million kangaroos.
    But there is one who is more elusive
    and clever than all the rest.
    And his name is Kangaroo Jack.
    But my story doesn't begin in Australia.
    It begins 20 years ago, halfway around
    the world on a beach in Brooklyn.
    That's me...
    ... Charlie Carbone.
    Three things happened on this day
    that would change my life.
    First, was that my mom met Sal.
    She hadn't dated much since Dad died, but
    I could tell right away she was interested.
    Why shouldn't she be? Sal Maggio was a
    respected member of the community.
    Well, feared and respected.
    Well, feared.
    And that's Frankie Lombardo.
    Fresh out of Juvenile Hall,
    where they named a wing after him.
    Sal was grooming Frankie
    to take over the family business...
    ... a family I was about to become a part of.
    The second thing that happened
    was that I met Louis Booker.
    Don't tell me.
    You got 75 cents in your back pocket.
    You're wrong.
    It's a Captain Amazing compass.
    - How much you want for it?
    - It's not for sale. No way. Sorry.
    - Wanna play some ball?
    - No. You play ball.
    I gotta check this entire beach
    if I'm gonna make my car payment.
    - You've got a car?
    - No, but I will.
    Now, step aside. My uncle only rented me
    this metal detector for the day.
    - And the third...
    - Hey, kid.
    ... most important thing
    that happened that day...
    Go long.
    ... was that I went out for a 20- yard pass.
    Unfortunately, there was only 15 yards
    worth of beach...
    ... and a really strong undertow.
    And I couldn't swim.
    Hey, kid! You lost your...
    Somebody help! I think there's
    a kid drowning out...
    I'll save you!
    That one moment changed my life...
    ... because in all the years that followed...
    ... Louis was better at getting
    me into trouble than getting me out.
    A dreamer in search of treasure,
    who only found bottle caps.
    On that fateful day, Louis saved my life.
    You see this guy?
    And I never forgot it.
    He just saved your life.
    He wouldn't let me.
    And now it's 20 years later.
    My new stepfather, Sal,
    set me up in my own business:
    A beauty salon.
    He did it for my mother.
    Of course, his goons come in every week
    and take 80 percent of the profits.
    That, he did for himself.
    Hey, Carbone.
    And Louis, the guy who saved my life,
    is now my closest friend.
    He thinks I can do a lot better than this...
    ... but he also thinks he looks like
    Denzel Washington.
    Toots, I was hoping you could ask Sal
    if I could keep a little extra this week...
    ...to make improvements on the place.
    You wanna make improvements?
    Lmprove on what's in this bag next week.
    Look, man, I need a favor.
    I just got this job delivering TVs,
    but my partner got sick.
    He had one of those
    microwave chimichangas...
    Louis, why do all your stories
    start off this way?
    I need your help. If I don't get these TVs
    off the truck, man, I don't get paid.
    Oh, this sounds illegal.
    No, no, no. Charlie, this is totally legit, man.
    I know the guy.
    Just like you knew the guy...
    ...who asked you to drive
    his dogs up from Florida. Remember him?
    I'm supposed to know a bunch of greyhounds
    were being used to smuggle diamonds?
    Look, man, I need your help on this one.
    Two hours, tops. That's all I need.
    - This is really important for me.
    - Louis, you have a job.
    You call working in my uncle's
    meat market a job, Charlie?
    I sweep up cow guts and
    pig snouts all day, man!
    I need a job where I'm treated like a man.
    Where I get some respect. Ain't
    that what Aretha said? "R-E-S-P-E-C-T"?
    Well, then, delivering TVs
    is definitely the answer.
    I'm dying here, man. I need your help.
    Louis, I'm busy here.
    Can't you see I'm busy?
    I was busy that day 20 years ago
    on the beach too, man.
    Did that stop me from saving this skinny
    little white kid from flailing in the surf?
    No, I stopped what I was doing, jumped
    in and saved this poor little white kid.
    Let's go.
    You too easy.
    Hey there, Waffles.
    Got a kiss for your Uncle Charlie?
    Come on, man, what's wrong?
    It's just so frustrating.
    You don't know how difficult it is
    to get anywhere...
    ...when Sal is your stepfather.
    - He bought you the beauty salon.
    I barely keep enough to stay alive.
    If he was my stepdaddy,
    you know what I'd be doing right now?
    I'd be:
    Come on, Charlie, break it down with me.
    Snake it. Come on, snake it...
    It be a party, Charlie. Be a party.
    Pull over to the curb.
    Louis, whose truck is this?
    I can't be certain.
    This is a stolen vehicle.
    - Apparently, this is a stolen vehicle.
    - Oh, my God.
    Pull over to the curb.
    Pull over to the curb!
    Louis, pull the truck over.
    Just tell them the truth!
    - Pull the truck over!
    - I can't, man!
    I'm still on probation from
    that greyhound thing.
    Come on, Louis.
    Watch out! Here we go! Okay!
    You're breaking so many laws right now!
    If we go to jail, I'll tell
    everybody you a hairdresser!
    Sidewalk, Louis! Sidewalk!
    Look out! Are you crazy!?
    Sorry! Excuse me!
    Red light!
    That wasn't my fault!
    That was my fault.
    Coming through!
    Charlie.
    Almost ripped my lucky jacket.
    What a relief. I forgot
    you were wearing your lucky jacket!
    Big problem: Roadblock!
    Bigger problem!
    Oh, no.
    What're you doing? Slow down!
    - We're gonna make it. Hold on!
    - We're not gonna make it!
    Now, that's what I'm talking about!
    That's what I'm talking about!
    I think the dog just peed on my leg.
    No, I think I peed on him.
    All units, intersection blocked.
    Suspects are at large.
    - Just pull the truck over, I am getting out.
    - You can't bail on me now!
    I gotta stash these TVs
    until the heat cools down.
    Come on. We got six TVs left.
    Five. Come on, man, help me get this up.
    Hey. Is that Charlie?
    - Tommy?
    - What're you guys doing here?
    - Your father didn't say you was coming.
    - Sal?
    Yeah, this is his warehouse.
    - I didn't know.
    - You didn't know?
    I didn't know!
    Hey!
    You brung the heat here, Charlie.
    Are you crazy?
    I didn't know, Tommy!
    I swear, I didn't know!
    Waffles, come on!
    - Oh, damn!
    - Attention.
    This is the New York Police Department.
    We have you surrounded.
    Come on, Charlie, hurry up!
    Waffles! She's frozen with fear!
    Surrender now!
    - Get over there! Move!
    - I repeat.
    Come on, Louis, come on!
    What is wrong with you?
    It's not my fault! Waffles is upset!
    Perhaps you should've thought of that
    before you took your dog on a crime spree!
    Come on, girl!
    Let's go, let's go, let's go!
    Dead end, Louis. Dead end.
    No, it's not, Charlie. Look at this.
    - Think I got a way out.
    - You don't even know where that goes. No!
    We can do this.
    You can stay here if you want.
    I'm going down that chute!
    I love you, Mama!
    Louis?
    - Not over here.
    - Where'd they go?
    We lost them. Standing by
    for further instructions. Over.
    Anything else you'd like me
    to help you with today?
    No, that's pretty much it.
    In what police are calling
    one of the largest seizures of stolen goods...
    ... in the history of New York City...
    ... thieves inexplicably led police to a treasure
    trove of stolen cars, furs, paintings...
    Louis Booker, you degenerate moron.
    Were these Medieval times
    and you a knight in shining armor...
    ...you would, I have no doubt,
    slay the maiden and save the dragon.
    Waffles!
    - Sal, if we could explain...
    - As for you, Charlie...
    ...after the tragic death of your father...
    ...I married your mother, promising her
    I would raise you as my own.
    You chose not to take the Maggio name.
    I did not complain.
    And when you wanted
    to go to beauty school...
    ...as boys who lose their fathers
    early in life often do...
    ...I did not snivel at your intentions, did I?
    - No, Salvatore, you did not. In fact...
    - In fact...
    ...I bought a beauty parlor
    so you could sit on your lazy butt all day.
    Four and a half million you cost me.
    Were you anybody else,
    you'd be dead by now.
    - Sal, we understand that you're upset.
    - It's not your fault.
    What?
    A lion can raise a mouse,
    but the mouse is still a mouse.
    And you, Charlie, are that mouse.
    Look at this.
    He takes it.
    Chicken blood.
    Excuse me, Sal?
    You said that he was a mouse, so that
    would be mouse blood, not chicken blood.
    Right?
    Go on, Sal, I'm here if you need me.
    The salient point is...
    ...I must continue to live with my lovely wife
    and tears on her pillow are a plethora to me.
    Anathema to me!
    You see what they got me doing?
    - I can't even talk straight!
    - Take it easy.
    So...
    ...l'm giving you both another chance
    to redeem yourselves.
    - Thank you, we won't disappoint you.
    - No, we won't.
    Of that I'm sure.
    Frankie...
    Hey, kid. Go long.
    Why don't you fill the boys in.
    A mission of absolution.
    It's simple. You take this envelope
    to JFK Airport...
    - No problem.
    ...where you catch a flight for Sydney.
    Wow, that's...
    You know, Louis has got this thing...
    Yeah, my mama got the gout
    and if I'm not home to rub her feet...
    ...her ankles swell up
    and she can't take her house shoes off.
    - This really isn't much warning.
    - You need a warning?
    - No.
    - Well, then...
    From Sydney, you take the Old South Road
    due north to a place called Coober Pedy...
    ...where you meet a man named Mr. Smith.
    You give this envelope to Mr. Smith.
    Mr. Smith is expecting you no later
    than noon, local time. You will not be late.
    What's in here, man?
    You will not look in that envelope
    under any circumstances, understood?
    - I can't hear you...
    - Understood?
    Oh, yeah.
    Should you run into any problems,
    you can reach Mr. Smith at this number.
    Get out of here.
    I can't believe that stuff happened.
    I'm wearing my lucky jacket.
    Lucky jacket? You've worn that jacket
    for over 10 years...
    ...and luck has never even
    remotely come near you.
    Australia?
    And then they're just gonna turn
    around and come right back again.
    - It won't be so bad.
    - Yeah, why not?
    We're canceling their return trip.
    - Louis, how much time we got left?
    - Fourteen hours.
    When is the food coming? I'm starving.
    Don't even worry about that.
    I got you covered.
    Are you, like, 4 years old?
    If you're not hungry,
    I can put these back in my pocket.
    Wait. I think I'll have this one.
    Good choice.
    What is that? And why is my mouth on fire?
    That's the new Super Atomic Jaw Buster!
    Extra hot!
    Are you trying to kill me?
    There's nothing wrong with this!
    Stop acting like a baby!
    All right, let me up.
    - What for?
    - How many things could I have to do?
    My bad.
    Hey, how are you doing?
    Good.
    Oh, my God!
    Charlie!
    - Someone's in here!
    - It's me, Charlie. Open up!
    - What?
    - Check this out.
    - You're not supposed to open this.
    - That's, like, 50 grand.
    Oh, my God.
    Something doesn't smell right. Look at it!
    I know, I'm looking!
    I've never seen so much green
    in one little brown package!
    And now it's in my hands!
    It slipped out.
    Here, help me scoop it up.
    - This is one big load!
    - What a mess!
    - I just want to roll around in it!
    - Hand me the rest of the pile.
    - Can I hold it?
    - No! Dump it in the envelope.
    - Maybe we should flush it.
    - We're not gonna flush it.
    I'll put it in my pocket, leave this room,
    and take it to Australia.
    If you're gonna do that, give it here.
    Let me kiss it for good luck.
    You're not gonna kiss it!
    It's bad enough you touched it!
    - Before you put it away, can I smell it?
    - Maybe later.
    No, no, no.
    It's not what it looks like.
    Next, please.
    G'day, mate! G'day.
    Could you try not to draw the attention
    of the entire airport?
    Why? What's wrong?
    The law states we're only allowed
    to have $ 10,000.
    We are carrying $50,000 of mob money.
    If they find it, I'm anticipating consequences.
    Like, perhaps, I don't know,
    let's say, prison?
    G'day, mate!
    You know what? It's my fault.
    I didn't keep the sentences short enough.
    I heard you, Charlie, all right?
    Now, if you're worried, give me
    the money. I'll walk it through.
    Okay.
    Let me see, put my fate in your hands.
    This is such an agonizing decision. No.
    All right, then. Just remember...
    ...the key is to act like
    you don't have anything to hide, all right?
    Next, please.
    Watch the master.
    G'day!
    How are you doing?
    - Doing good. How are you?
    - I'm all right.
    Hit it up top!
    There we go. There we go.
    G'day, mate.
    Next, please.
    G'day, mate.
    They're my hairdressing scissors.
    They're my hairdressing scissors!
    I can...
    I can explain about that money.
    You will explain...
    ...$63?
    - Louis, I lost the money!
    - What?
    I lost the money!
    Salvatore Maggio's money!
    Hey, Charlie, calm down, all right?
    The trick is not to look suspicious.
    Make them watch this hand...
    ...instead of this one.
    - Oh, my God!
    Had you going, didn't I?
    - That is not funny, Louis!
    - Get in the car, baby!
    - They didn't have a Cadillac?
    - This is the Cadillac of the Outback.
    You know, Charlie, this mysterious
    Mr. Smith we're gonna meet?
    - I don't think that's his real name.
    - Nothing escapes you, Louis.
    What's eating you, man?
    Don't tell me this is about
    that girl on the plane.
    - No, it's more than that.
    - Coober Pedy! Right here!
    I got it. Here we go. Here we go.
    Let's face it, I'm never
    gonna find the right girl.
    You gotta stop it with this "never" stuff.
    Two days ago, we never thought
    we'd be in Australia, but we here!
    - Come on, give me a beat.
    - Come on, play with the radio.
    Come on, man! I want to play with you.
    Give me a beat, man!
    - What the hell?
    - My God.
    I killed a kangaroo.
    I never saw it.
    It's such a beautiful animal.
    It's the national symbol of Australia...
    ...and I killed it.
    - Don't worry.
    I read that the kangaroos are
    the rodents of the Outback. We cool!
    - Shouldn't we bury it or something?
    - My uncle has one rule:
    Whenever you hit something,
    keep on rolling. So let's roll.
    I can't leave it there.
    I got to pull it off to the side.
    You pulling by yourself, then.
    God, I am so sorry, little buddy.
    Charlie, don't move. Stay right there.
    Louis, what are you doing? Louis?
    You guys look so adorable.
    - G'day, mate!
    - Stop that, Louis.
    Hey, Charlie, hold on!
    Hold on, hold on.
    You know who he looks like?
    Jackie Legs!
    Jackie Legs from Canarsie with the goatee!
    Always wears sunglasses!
    - What are you talking about?
    - Hold on. Look.
    Okay, look at it.
    Right there. Look at that.
    Jeez, that is Jackie Legs.
    All right, Louis, enough.
    Help me here.
    It's lucky jacket time.
    Come on, Louis, have some respect.
    It's bad enough we ran him over.
    Come on, just one picture
    for the Brooklyn crew.
    All right, one.
    - But let's make this quick.
    - Stay up there, big boy.
    Say "cheese."
    All right, come on, let's get this jacket off.
    We got things to do, Louis.
    Hey, come on, Charlie. One more.
    This could be our Christmas card.
    - Louis.
    - What? What?
    Charlie.
    Jeez!
    Hey, look.
    - We didn't hurt him after all.
    - It looked like we did.
    You're a tough little guy, aren't you?
    Hey, look how tall he is.
    You all right, dog? Come on, come on!
    I just got my ass kicked by a marsupial!
    - You want to know the best part?
    - What?
    Now I never have to see
    that stupid red jacket of yours again!
    Charlie?
    - Charlie!
    - What?
    The kangaroo got the money.
    What are you talking about?
    I put the money in the jacket
    and the jacket on the kangaroo...
    ...and now he hopping away.
    The kangaroo has the money?
    The kangaroo has
    Salvatore Maggio's $50,000?
    Yeah.
    Who puts a jacket
    with 50,000 on a kangaroo?
    A dead kangaroo! He was dead, Charlie!
    You should have just let me drown, Louis,
    I mean it!
    - I see you now, sucker!
    - Go, go, go! We got him! Go!
    Look at that little fellow go, Charlie!
    Look at him go!
    Here we come, baby!
    We gaining on him! Oh, my God.
    Look at the fellow move, man.
    I'm gonna pull up.
    Reach out and grab the money!
    You want me to open the door
    and lean out of a speeding car!
    Fine, Charlie! We'll just drive past him
    and hope he hops in the jeep!
    - Here I go!
    - Okay.
    - Here I go.
    - Lean out there, baby!
    Get me closer. Get me closer!
    - He's hopping like a rabbit!
    - Closer!
    - Get me closer!
    - I'm trying to get closer!
    - Come on! Get him, baby!
    - Closer, Louis!
    - Get the money, Charlie!
    - Closer, Louis! I almost got it!
    - I'm almost there!
    - Come on, Charlie! I can't hold on!
    Get the money!
    As it turns out, this is hard.
    What are these things?
    They're termite mounds!
    I read about them in the book!
    Careful, you almost missed one!
    - You mine now, sucker!
    - Yeah!
    Go, go, go!
    Stop, stop, stop!
    I don't suppose you took the insurance?
    My uncle always told me
    that was just a rip-off.
    Don't worry, Charlie.
    We'll get the money back, all right?
    It can't go far.
    It's a continent, Louis. He can go very far.
    I know it's a continent. I read the book.
    You happen to read the chapter on
    not putting your jacket on a wild animal?
    No, but I read one on how an aboriginal
    can kill a white man with a twig.
    You wanna see that one?
    The Old Alice Inn.
    I'll buy you a beer and we'll catch
    the end of the Knicks game.
    Two beers. Big beers.
    I'm gonna call Mr. Smith, let him know
    there's been a slight delay.
    - Slight delay?
    - Yeah.
    But we're working on it, all right?
    Give me his number.
    - Where's your phone?
    - Around near the dunnies.
    - You guys have a Denny's?
    - No, the dunny.
    The bog trough? The long drop?
    - The thunder box?
    - You know what?
    I'm just gonna look for it by the bathroom.
    Now, there's a Yank that can drink.
    Any Yank that can drink is all right with me.
    G'day. My name is Blue.
    - Charlie.
    - Nice to meet you, Chaza.
    - Charlie.
    - That's what I said, Chaza.
    We're only two hours late.
    He should be a reasonable
    and understanding man.
    - What?
    - Mr. Smith?
    - Yeah, you might not know me, but...
    - Where are you bludgers?
    I'm out here in the back of Bullamakanka
    up to me ears in heat stroke...
    ... waiting for you two Yanks.
    Where's me package?
    It's been temporarily misplaced.
    I don't reckon you respect me very much.
    First you steal my package
    and now you're on the phone...
    ... razzing me about it.
    We didn't steal your package.
    I swear! We're gonna get it back!
    You'd be a banger short of a barbie
    if you didn't, when I find you!
    You better get ready
    to cough it up...
    ...otherwise, I'll chop you into snags
    and feed you to the crocs.
    - Mr. Smith?
    - Have a nice day.
    One of me favorites.
    A kangaroo. A kangaroo.
    Kangaroo...
    Wildlife Foundation.
    - Louis, this is Blue. Blue, this is Louis.
    - Hey, Blue.
    - What'd Mr. Smith say?
    - He was nice.
    - He said everything was cool.
    - Really?
    He did say that we should do our best
    to get the package back.
    - Right. The package.
    - The package!
    Charlie?
    Order me another drink. I got a plan.
    This isn't my day.
    You mind leaving a little for the camels?
    You're American.
    And you're drinking water
    that comes from a stagnant pond.
    I'm from Brooklyn. I've had a lot worse.
    - My name is Louis.
    - Name's Jessie.
    - Nice to meet you.
    - Wanna give me a hand?
    Okay.
    No offense, but these are
    the ugliest rabbits I've ever seen.
    They're called bilbies.
    They're almost extinct.
    In fact, it's up to these guys to repopulate
    the entire Devil's Marbles area.
    Somebody's gonna be having fun tonight!
    That's the plan.
    Looks like you'll need more bilbies, though.
    Well, if the foundation I work for
    had more money...
    You mean the Wildlife Foundation?
    - You work here?
    - Yeah.
    Thank you, Lord! This is great!
    I need some help.
    I put my lucky jacket
    on the back of a dead kangaroo...
    ...who came to life
    and hopped off with my money.
    - You do need help.
    - No, no, no, I'm for real.
    Can you help me?
    Do you have any idea where he is?
    No.
    It seems to me you need an airplane.
    You need a tranquilizer gun...
    You need a list.
    Come on, come on, come on!
    He's got it!
    Charlie! Charlie!
    Come here, man. Come here!
    Give me one sec, guys.
    You've gotta see this guy drink!
    He's unbelievable!
    I figured out how to catch that kangaroo.
    First we hit it with a car and
    now you want to blow its head off?
    No.
    This is a tranquilizer dart.
    It works in three stages.
    Stage one: Temporary blindness.
    Stage two: Partial paralysis.
    And stage three: Complete
    shutdown of all motor skills.
    - Totally humane.
    - Sounds humane.
    I said it was temporary.
    I walked to this wildlife office
    and this American girl that works there...
    ...and she is...
    Epileptic?
    Her name is Jessie.
    I told her the story and showed her
    a photo of the kangaroo.
    You told her the kangaroo has $50,000?
    I told her the kangaroo has $4000
    and our passports.
    Not bad.
    She told me the best way
    to find a kangaroo is by air.
    What's that?
    A number to a bush plane that we can hire.
    - I like it.
    - Let's go call.
    If I didn't know you better,
    I'd say this is a honey of a plan.
    Dang skippy.
    Excuse me, mates.
    Gotta point Percy at the porcelain.
    Gee, almost made it.
    Pilot's personal number.
    Louis?
    Do you have a backup plan?
    I sure hope the two pots of coffee
    and the Red Bull we gave him were enough!
    Hey, man! How're you doing up there?
    Never better, mate!
    Why do you ask?
    No reason. It's just that you
    were passed out an hour ago.
    That's just me morning ritual, mate.
    I couldn't help but notice
    that this is the Flying Dingo IV.
    What happened to the I, II and III?
    Now use the word in a sentence.
    Amorphous: Having no definite form.
    Shapeless, as in:
    "After Joey Clams got whacked,
    his head was amorphous."
    That was excellent.
    Now let's move to the next level.
    I think you should take this.
    Hello.
    I'm aggrieved to hear that, Mr. Smith.
    Of course we had a deal.
    Please, advise me if this situation changes.
    Those two mammalucco didn't show.
    Our friend feels they pocketed the 50 G's.
    Maybe they figured it out.
    My stepson couldn't figure out
    a cheese sandwich...
    ...if they spotted him the pumpernickel
    and the provolone.
    So, what do you want to do?
    You possess a valid passport.
    I can't see anything from up here.
    Hey, do you think you can
    take us down a little lower?
    Hang on to your knickers,
    we're going in!
    A little lower! A little lower!
    Look out for that tree!
    Could you please not do that again?
    Thank you!
    Hey, Charlie!
    Look to the left!
    Kangaroos!
    They're kangaroos, all right!
    A lot of kangaroos!
    None with a red jacket.
    You think he could be someplace else?
    Wait!
    - Look, look, it's Jackie Legs!
    - There he is!
    - That's him, that's him!
    - I knew this would work!
    - Blue, bring us around!
    - Yeah, right!
    Get me there, Blue!
    Get up right on his tail
    and stay with him no matter what!
    Say hello to my little friend!
    I got you now, Jackie Legs!
    I'm gonna get you now.
    You hit him?
    I don't know.
    He's still hopping.
    Maybe it takes time
    for it to take effect.
    Yeah, all right.
    Charlie?
    Oh, my God.
    - Mates?
    - Yes?
    Got a bit of a wrinkle here.
    The old optics are on the fritz.
    Stage one: Temporary blindness.
    - Was that the engine?!
    - No.
    That was me. For some reason,
    I can't move me arms.
    Stage two: Partial paralysis!
    Charlie, can you lean over
    and take the stick?
    I can still work the foot pedals.
    - Oh, God!
    - Take the stick firmly in hand and...
    - Blue!
    - Stage three:
    Total shutdown of motor skills!
    English, Blue, English!
    Stage four:
    Fiery crash!
    You okay?
    - Yeah.
    - You sure?
    - Yeah.
    - Good.
    'Cause I am gonna beat you soft!
    - Like this is my fault?
    - First rule of aviation:
    You never shoot the pilot!
    Assume crash positions!
    Blue, we already crashed.
    Right. No worries, then.
    Can I help you?
    Think some friends of mine
    passed through here.
    A couple of Yanks?
    - Friends?
    - Yeah.
    I promised the family back home
    I'd take care of them.
    Hello? Hello?
    Come on, Blue, you got to
    do something, man.
    Hello? Hello?
    Charlie, we gotta do something.
    What can we do?
    We have to hope Santa Claus over there
    can fix the radio or someone looks for us.
    Actually, someone is looking for us.
    Mr. Smith.
    - Louis!
    - He didn't say...
    ...what I said he said.
    What did he say
    that you didn't say he said?
    He thinks we stole his package, man,
    so he's coming after us.
    He mentioned cutting us up into little
    bitty pieces and snacks for a crocodile.
    Then the phone went out...
    If Smith thinks we stole his money,
    then by now Sal thinks we stole it.
    Sal's not gonna hurt us.
    He's married to your mother.
    If Sal thinks we stole his money...
    ...he'll kill us in front of her,
    then make her clean it up.
    All we have to do is find the money
    before Mr. Smith finds us...
    ...and everything is okay.
    So what you're saying is that
    we should find the money.
    - Yes.
    - How, Louis? How?
    How are we gonna catch a kangaroo on foot?
    Got it.
    You ever heard of Devil's Marbles?
    Due east. Bit of a walk, though.
    Why, what's there?
    The lady I told you about
    at the wildlife office.
    - The epileptic?
    - Yes.
    She works with animals and I bet
    she can help us catch Jackie Legs.
    - Please!
    - Charlie.
    It's better than being cut up
    into little bitty pieces, man.
    Not if you go first and I get to watch.
    Look out, you blokes go ahead.
    I'll fix the radio, be right with you.
    - Which way is east, man?
    - That way.
    - Let's go, man.
    - No, no, wait there.
    That way.
    Charlie?
    I'm worried about Waffles.
    Do you think she'll be okay with Sal?
    Oh, sure.
    As long as she doesn't dig up
    any bodies in the back yard...
    ...she should be just fine.
    - Good.
    How far did Blue say this place was?
    He didn't. He just said it was due east.
    So is Brooklyn.
    - You're the guide?
    - Yes, sir.
    My name Mr. Jimmy.
    First-rate, expert Outback guide.
    You'll be most happy with me.
    Great freaking start.
    Hey, listen, you know where we can
    get some guns around here?
    No worries. You boys hunters?
    Yeah, hunters.
    I think I just sweated out a bottle of Yoo-Hoo
    I drank in the eighth grade.
    Be cool. Dingoes.
    Hey, that one kind of looks like Waffles.
    Yeah, if Waffles had a crazed look
    in his eyes and his face caked in blood.
    Charlie?
    Why are they staring at me like that?
    Because I'm a green leaf salad
    and you're the all-you-can-eat buffet.
    You gotta help me out, man.
    They gonna get me like they got that baby!
    Feel that? Wind suddenly picked up.
    It's like all of a sudden
    the air conditioner's fixed.
    Charlie, where are the dingoes going?
    I think something bad
    is about to happen here, Louis.
    Hey, Charlie, look.
    This feels good! I feel like I can fly.
    Louis!
    - Louis!
    - I believe I can fly!
    Louis, I wanna go back to Brooklyn!
    Come in, Tansy, over.
    Read you, over.
    Boy, am I glad to hear you.
    Listen, I've crashed me plane.
    Can you send some help?
    Your location, over.
    It's west of the Simpson
    and just south of King's Canyon.
    Tansy?
    You read me, Tansy?
    Tansy?
    Do you read me?
    Must have been
    some kind of freak sand storm.
    Think so?
    I think you need to eat.
    Your blood sugar's getting low.
    Stop it, Louis. Okay? Please, just stop it.
    You know what I could really go for
    right about now?
    Some Roscoe's chicken and waffles...
    ...with a side of grits and a side of gravy.
    I'm not listening to you.
    Or better yet...
    ...one of those iced mocha-schmoca
    things from Starbucks.
    They're so cold and creamy.
    My God.
    Can you believe this?
    Can you believe our luck?
    What are the chances?
    It's a miracle!
    Oh, yeah!
    Tunes!
    Hey, Louis, what are you waiting for?
    Come on, hop in.
    Hey, look.
    - They got Slurpees.
    - Oh, Charlie.
    Brain freeze!
    It seemed so real.
    That's why they call it a mirage.
    At least you got to have fun
    for a few minutes.
    Yeah, because my brain is frying,
    and I'm losing contact with reality.
    You don't understand this
    because this is how you usually function.
    - That was uncalled for, Charlie.
    - Was it?
    Every decision you make, Louis, is a disaster.
    That's right, Charlie, just blame me.
    That way you relieve yourself
    of all responsibility.
    But let me tell you something...
    ...it's easier to mock than to do,
    and you do nothing.
    You just complain and whine like a woman.
    You want to see me do something?
    Bring it on, queen of the desert.
    Louis. Louis, wait a second.
    I'm having another one of those mirages.
    And this one's a beauty.
    Charlie.
    Louis, please. Let me just enjoy this.
    How you doing?
    - Good. You?
    - Good.
    Louis, they feel so real.
    - It's you.
    - Yeah, it's me.
    Love the jacket, Charlie.
    It's hard to get something
    that fits my shoulders. Nice!
    How'd you know red was my favorite color?
    You can talk!
    And I can sing.
    This is great.
    Jackie? Mr. Legs?
    If you could find your way clear
    to give me back my money...
    Money?
    Oh, you mean that money!
    Stop that!
    Stop that!
    Stop that! Hey! Stop that, please!
    If Sal finds out...
    If I find out what, Charlie?
    That you lost my money?
    - Sal?
    - I ask you to do something for me.
    This is not that!
    - It wasn't my fault, it was Louis.
    - Say what? My fault?
    That's how you pay me back
    after I saved your life?
    - Louis?
    - Next time you're drowning in the ocean...
    ...call Free Willy!
    Let Willy set you free!
    You know what, Sal?
    You were right about him.
    - Chicken blood!
    - Smell it on his father.
    - Smell it on him.
    - Chicken blood.
    - Chicken blood!
    - Chicken blood!
    Here.
    Drink this.
    It'll bring down the swelling.
    Unfortunately, it'll also make
    your testicles fall off.
    I'm kidding.
    It won't bring down the swelling.
    About bloody time.
    - Where are they?
    - Piss off!
    Fifteen years Special Air Services,
    behind the line!
    I'm down and out, mate.
    I forgot more than you ever learned.
    You'll get nothing from me!
    Devil's Marbles.
    Took off on foot, about ten hours ago.
    See, that wasn't so difficult.
    Knock-knock.
    - Very funny.
    - Can't be too careful.
    Yeah, I'm sorry about that.
    I didn't think they were real.
    Oh, no! I mean,
    I thought they were real...
    Relax, I know what you mean.
    Louis explained.
    Listen, Louis and I have a little problem...
    And I already told him,
    I can't help you find your roo.
    I've got to get back to Alice Springs. Sorry.
    That's okay.
    I understand.
    - What?
    - Look...
    ...Louis told me you need some money
    to repopulate the earth with your rabbits.
    Bilbies.
    Bilbies.
    How about this, we give you $2000...
    ...you help us get our stuff back.
    - Two thousand dollars?
    - Strictly business, no strings attached.
    - What do you say? We got a deal?
    - Deal.
    Great. Hustle makes it happen.
    - Let's get moving.
    - Now?
    You see, our passports are just
    about to expire...
    Nine of the ten most poisonous snakes
    in the world live in Australia.
    And they all come out at night.
    How do you feel about a morning start?
    Doesn't get any better than this, Louis.
    Blue skies, fresh air!
    And who even knew
    there were camels in Australia?
    These are noble beasts, my friend.
    Proud, majestic...
    Get used to it, boys. Camels do that.
    I don't want to seem nosy,
    but do you have some sort of plan here?
    There hasn't been rain for weeks, right?
    - Oh, God.
    - Come on!
    When the water dries up in the basins,
    the kangaroos head for the rivers.
    So that means we have two choices,
    the Finke River or the Todd.
    Since the Finke is 200 hundred miles away,
    I'm leaning toward the Todd.
    - Alrighty, then, to the Todd.
    - To the Todd.
    To the Todd!
    Louis, what are you eating?
    I picked a bunch of berries at camp.
    Jessie said they were cool.
    They smell just like a bowl of Fruity Pebbles
    right before you add the milk.
    - Go on, take a whiff.
    - No, thank you.
    - Give me some of those berries real quick!
    - Go on, take some.
    Man, these do smell pretty good.
    Chicks in New York, they'd pay big money
    to smell like that.
    They're called snakeskin lily berries. Tut!
    Impressive. How long you been in Australia?
    I moved here with a friend from Milwaukee
    three years ago for a semester...
    ...and never went back.
    - Milwaukee!
    You know, I once had a...
    What is with these camels?
    That one was me.
    I swear to God we passed that same bush
    two hours ago. What is going on?
    - Well, it says here...
    - What, again with the map?
    Why don't you sit on your head,
    try thinking with your butt.
    Hey, Frankie, look!
    Maybe this hump can tell us where we are.
    How are you doing?
    Got tranqued, crashed me plane, rescue
    party knocked me out and left me to die.
    All because of a bloody boomer.
    We're looking for Alice Springs.
    Heading straight for it, mate.
    What about a lift?
    - Why not? Get in.
    - Beauty.
    So what do you think?
    No wonder the kangaroos come here.
    Come on.
    This looks like a good spot.
    If there's a kangaroo within 500 miles,
    he'll show up here eventually.
    So when our guy shows up,
    how are we gonna catch him?
    You know what?
    I've been thinking about that.
    Have you ever thrown a bolo?
    What?
    Yo, what's a boomer?
    - What?
    - A boomer!
    Oh, a kangaroo.
    It was two of your blokes. Americans.
    They were chasing after this kangaroo
    in a red shiny jacket.
    Don't that dork, Louis Booker,
    always wear a shiny red jacket?
    Yeah.
    Never should have left the pub.
    Yes! Yeah!
    Is this an Olympic event?
    Because I am bolo man!
    I am bolo man!
    - Bingo!
    - Dingo? Where?
    No, bingo. Look.
    - Nice call, Jessie.
    - So, that's Jackie Legs.
    Kangaroo Jack in the flesh.
    Can't get near him like that.
    He'll take off running.
    So, what do we do?
    We have to disguise ourselves.
    Get rid of our human scent.
    And how are we going to do that?
    We need to get a little closer.
    Now, the only time we move
    is when he's feeding.
    This is very important. Don't make any
    sudden movements or sounds.
    - Okay.
    - Got it.
    There he goes.
    Shit!
    What is your problem?
    - I got ants crawling up my leg!
    - Just ignore them!
    - I thought she said no sudden movements!
    - Boys. Boys!
    Hello?
    - We're close enough. Spread out.
    - Charlie.
    They're having a picnic in my shorts.
    And I brought the sweets!
    - Louis, just keep it together!
    - Okay!
    Keep it together, Louis!
    Keep it together.
    I can't take it no more!
    Oh, God!
    Get off! Get off me! Get off me!
    I'm gonna roll in the grass!
    This is great! This is just great!
    Now what are we gonna do?
    Well, there's no more we can do today.
    We'll just have to wait.
    - I have an idea where they'll be tomorrow.
    - Tomorrow?
    No. This has gotta happen today.
    We'll pitch camp here.
    I'll get the firewood.
    Oh, God.
    Hey, sorry about that, man.
    I was under attack.
    That's all right. Look at her.
    She thinks she's so much smarter than us.
    I'm pretty sure she is, Charlie.
    Let me ask you something, Mr. Jimmy.
    Where do I go if I'm looking
    for a missing kangaroo?
    The sky is dry for many months.
    - Wind is quiet from the...
    - Kangaroos, Jim! Where are they?
    The best bet is right here. Owen Springs.
    What are you doing?
    Jessie! I was going to take a bath.
    Go!
    - Yes!
    - No.
    Look, I'm hot, I'm filthy
    and I wanna take a bath.
    You can stay, you can go,
    it makes no difference to me.
    - Well, I'm not leaving. I was here first.
    - Suit yourself.
    It's gorgeous.
    Hey, what are looking at?
    - Well, you looked first.
    - Yeah, I looked.
    So, I looked too, all right?
    Come near me, I'll kill you.
    So nervous.
    You have absolutely no effect on me.
    No?
    - You think you do.
    - Just stating the obvious.
    You are so not my type! You could kiss me
    and it wouldn't make the slightest...
    ...difference.
    - Nothing?
    No. Sorry.
    Well, I hate break it to you, honey, but that
    kiss did absolutely nothing for me, either.
    I'm not surprised,
    if that's the best you can kiss.
    You want to see the best I can kiss?
    As a matter of fact, I...
    See?
    Nothing.
    Same here. Nothing.
    Really?
    All right, I'll admit it.
    This is the most sensual
    romantic moment of my entire life.
    And now it's over.
    Hey, guys...
    ...I think it's time to get up.
    What's going on?
    - We're in a little bit of trouble.
    - A little?
    I've been following camel tracks all bloody
    morning, so let's make short work of this.
    Where's me moolah?
    For God's sakes!
    All this over $4000?
    It's more, isn't it?
    How much more?
    $46,000 more.
    And every cent of it is mine.
    Now, there are two ways of doing this.
    And one of them is a lot less painful
    than the other.
    Where's the money?
    See, what happened was...
    ...we was driving and we hit this kangaroo.
    - I was wearing my lucky jacket...
    - Wrong answer.
    Your mate, Blue, told us
    that yarn about the boomer.
    Mate.
    I hope for your sake you were stupid enough
    to hide that money in them saddle bags.
    - You gotta believe us.
    - No. You gotta believe me.
    If it ain't there, I'm gonna carve
    you up piece by piece.
    - It's safe to assume you're not on vacation.
    - No.
    Charlie's stepfather is a mobster and
    he sent us here to deliver a package.
    - And you got me into the middle of this?
    - Sorry. I never thought this would happen.
    And you lied to me.
    What do you know!
    Bad news, fellas,
    you were telling the truth.
    Who wants to go first?
    We can find your money.
    If you kill us now, you'll never get it.
    - I'm listening.
    - I know a feeding ground near Owen Springs.
    A eucalyptus grove a few kilometers
    from here. That's where they'll be.
    I'll take the sheila and ride ahead.
    Jessie...
    I didn't do it for you.
    Listen up.
    Once we're out of sight, I want you to
    take our friends out to Kings Canyon.
    You know what to do with them.
    But don't go berko. Make it look natural.
    Two Yanks tragically karking it
    in the unapologetic Outback.
    We're going in the wrong direction.
    - They're gonna kill us.
    - God knows what they'll do to Jessie.
    I should have stopped this 20 years ago.
    What are you talking about?
    First time Sal came to my mother's
    house, I knew he was no good.
    But he bought me this first baseman's mitt,
    that Don Mattingly model.
    That was a great mitt.
    I still feel bad about losing it.
    When he left, my mom asked me
    what I thought of him.
    And I said, "I like him."
    I should have stood up to him
    and thrown him out of my house.
    Charlie, you were 10.
    Sal was right, Louis.
    I got chicken blood.
    I had it my whole life.
    But that stops right now.
    Louis, reach into my pants.
    Don't do this. Go out like a man.
    Look, we all have urges.
    I remember this one time,
    there was this well-built Latino...
    My scissors! Reach into my pants
    and get my scissors.
    Okay.
    Okay, Louis.
    - Are you ready to go?
    - You bet.
    You think you can distract them?
    You mean, make them watch this hand
    instead of this one?
    Piece of cake.
    Freeze, sucker!
    Get your hands up and turn slowly!
    I'm warning you!
    In 1983, I was the starting pitcher
    in the Little League World Series.
    I struck out 16 Taiwanese All-Stars!
    To this day, the people of Asia
    call me Sun Luc Dong...
    ...which means big black man
    pretending to be 12!
    My name's Carbone,
    which means skinny white boy with a gun.
    Good work, Sun Luc Dong.
    You said they'd be here.
    You're trying to pull a swifty
    and I don't much like that.
    There's also an area further along.
    I'm tired of your howling.
    What in bloody...?
    Change of plans, Smith.
    Come on, you two.
    Let's go. Let's go, come on.
    Jessie, come here.
    - Easy, darling.
    - Drop the knife, Smith.
    You ever held a gun before, Charlie?
    Don't answer that.
    No.
    You ever killed a man, Charlie?
    Don't answer that.
    No.
    What do you do for a living
    that makes you so brave, Charlie?
    Really don't answer that.
    I'm a hairdresser.
    Now, drop the knife.
    Come here, Jessie.
    Yeah! We bad.
    If you think you're off the hook
    because you came back for me...
    Never crossed my mind.
    You better hope that's someone
    coming to rescue you.
    Frankie!
    - What are you doing here?
    - Sal heard you were having trouble...
    ...so he sent us to help you out.
    - Who the hell are you?
    - Frank Lombardo.
    I represent the interests of Salvatore Maggio.
    - You must be Smith.
    - You're not wrong.
    - What's going on here?
    - These guys were trying to kill us.
    Looks like we got here just in time.
    You did good, kid.
    Now, put that gun down
    before you hurt yourself, all right?
    Wow, Frankie.
    I never thought I'd be happy to see you.
    Frankie, this is Jessie.
    Jessie, this is Frankie.
    - Hi.
    - You see...
    ...Louis and I, we fell
    a little behind schedule...
    And Jessie came along and helped us
    get back on schedule again.
    And so, you know... Uh-oh.
    I know all about it, Charlie.
    So you know about Jackie Legs?
    From Canarsie? He's involved in this?
    No, you guys are so sneaky and clever,
    I didn't know.
    Hurricanes leave smaller trails
    than you two morons.
    Sal is very disappointed to hear
    you lost that money.
    We'll get the money back.
    It's too late for that. This time you
    screwed up big. Final straw big.
    Enough of the claptrap.
    That money is mine.
    Zip the lip, Dundee.
    We had a contract
    and it didn't involve no bloody roo.
    I had to come all the way down here
    to the sphincter of the galaxy...
    ...to straighten out this
    puked-up fur ball of a mess.
    - Do not agitate me.
    - We had a contract!
    Do not agitate me!
    Let's get out of here.
    Jessie, get as far away
    from here as you can.
    They're not after you.
    Louis, we gotta get the money.
    We drive the roo into the canyon,
    we can corner him there.
    - We?
    - We did have a deal.
    Enough!
    Contract terminated.
    Get in the car!
    - There he goes!
    - Turn him into the canyon!
    Frankie!
    Come on!
    We got them!
    Shoot at them, you idiot!
    I could've stayed in Brooklyn for this!
    Come on, baby!
    Hold on!
    I hate this country like a sickness!
    Not me! Them!
    My bad.
    Bad brats!
    - Get the dumb thing out of my face!
    - I got it!
    Watch your head!
    - Watch out!
    - For what?
    Tight fit!
    Crap!
    - Louis, he's coming to you!
    - Go get him, big guy!
    I'm gonna get that money, Charlie!
    I'm going for the money!
    Oh, my God!
    - Louis!
    - Watch out!
    Louis, no!
    Stay still, Jackie Legs!
    Yeah, I got it! I got it!
    - I got the money!
    - Louis!
    Louis!
    Hurry, Charlie!
    I'm slipping, Charlie!
    Charlie!
    Louis, grab my hand.
    Louis!
    - Charlie!
    - Hold on, Louis!
    Give me your belt!
    You'll be all right!
    Charlie!
    Grab that rope. Grab that rope!
    Charlie!
    Grab the belt, Louis.
    I can't reach it, Charlie!
    Grab the damn belt!
    It's now or never, Louis!
    - Pull me up!
    - Louis.
    You have really got to cut back on the pie!
    Don't you let me go, Charlie!
    Don't you let me go!
    Go, go, go! Up, up!
    Pull, Jessie. A little more!
    Come on, Louis!
    Jessie, a little more!
    Come on!
    Charlie! I'm slipping!
    I'm gonna name my first son after you.
    "Crazy-Ass White Boy."
    Let go of me!
    Let go of me!
    This is from Sal Maggio.
    Frankie, we got the money back.
    We got it back!
    We got it!
    You don't get it, do you, Charlie?
    Sal's not disappointed because
    he cares about the money.
    He's disappointed because
    you two aren't dead!
    What do you think he was paying
    Smith 50 grand for?
    We traveled halfway across the world
    to pay for our own execution?
    Yeah, you two guys were
    the bagmen for your own hit.
    Pretty clever.
    Not on our part.
    Say good night.
    This is Senior Sergeant
    Jimmy Inkamala, Australian Police.
    - Mr. Jimmy?
    - Drop your weapon and...
    Hey, Frankie! Go long!
    - I am bolo man.
    - That's what I'm talking about.
    Yes, Mr. Smith was one of our
    most notorious contract killers.
    We got a tip from the FBI that he was
    involved with the Maggio family.
    Yeah, and when Frankie Lombardo called
    looking for a guide, I was waiting.
    I'm just glad I made it in time.
    You pansy-ass retards are dead!
    You hear me? Dead!
    I'll slaughter you like veal!
    I'll wear your eyeballs like jewelry!
    I've always found the Brooklyn
    vernacular fascinating.
    Quite colorful, really.
    Hey, Frankie?
    Can I have your Yankees tickets?
    There you are! They were full.
    They're radioing Alice Springs
    to send another chopper for us.
    What's up, man?
    Charlie.
    Something really important
    happened here today.
    You saved my life.
    - Yeah, I know. So now we're even.
    - Exactly.
    You don't owe me anymore.
    You're rid of me.
    What are you talking about,
    I'm rid of you?
    Come on, Charlie, guilt was the glue
    that held this friendship together.
    - You never needed me.
    - You're wrong, Louis.
    I've always needed you.
    You know when you call me up,
    and you're, like:
    "Yo, Charlie, you gotta help me drive
    some greyhounds up from Florida."
    And I make out like I'm doing you
    this big favor?
    Truth is, you're doing me the favor.
    Every story in my life worth telling
    starts with the words Louis and I.
    Come on, get away from me
    with that, man.
    You think we're friends
    because you saved my life once?
    You save my life every day, Louis.
    Come on, man.
    Guys?
    Can you hold on a second?
    We're having a very intimate,
    non-gay moment.
    Take a look.
    - What are you doing?
    - Hello, Jackie Legs.
    Here you go, boy. Here you go. Yeah.
    That's a boy.
    Good boy. Here you are.
    Hey, there, little guy. Yeah.
    There you go.
    It's okay. It's okay.
    Let me just grab this.
    There you are. Good boy.
    There you go.
    So long, Jackie Legs.
    Hey, would you look at that?
    - Louis, your lucky jacket.
    - I don't think so!
    Hear me out. If you hadn't
    put the money in the jacket...
    ...and the jacket on the kangaroo...
    ...we would've delivered the money
    to Smith and he would've killed us.
    Your lucky jacket.
    Gimme my jacket! I told you. Didn't I
    tell you this was my lucky jacket?
    Look, Louis, he's back.
    And he's got a family.
    Hey, you must be Jackie Junior.
    You're a cute little guy, aren't you?
    Oh, my God! Are you all right?!
    So, that's my story.
    Well, not quite.
    Frankie and his goons
    were put away for good.
    As for Sal, he used all his high- level
    connections to avoid going to prison.
    And you know what?
    It wasn't enough.
    Jessie? She ended up marrying
    some filthy- rich tycoon.
    Hey, honey.
    Hi, honey.
    Yep, the filthy- rich dude, that's me.
    Louis and I used the 50 grand
    as startup money.
    And now Snakeskin Lily Berry
    Shampoo...
    ... is the biggest thing
    since Vidal Sassoon.
    Got the latest numbers in from Europe.
    Think you'll like them.
    I love numbers.
    Hey, partner? I got the new numbers.
    Partner? Partner?
    Look out below!
    - Louis!
    - Just trying my newest idea:
    Waterproof mousse! How do you like it?
    So that's me, Charlie Carbone.
    The one with the beautiful girl,
    all the money I could ever want...
    ... and my best friend Louis...
    ... who saved my life more times
    than he'll ever know.
    Wait a minute!
    The movie is called Kangaroo Jack!
    It should end with me!
    I'm a serious,
    classically trained actor!
    I can sing, I can dance and I can jump
    out of the way of explosions.
    Yeah, no, that gonna leave a mark.
    And I can do impersonations.
    Come on, people.
    Throw me a freaking bone.
    I have a son.
    I shall call him Mini-Roo.
    Now, that should be the way you
    end a film. With the star.
    Someone call my agent!
    That's all, blokes!
    Last edited by SuperJack; December 20th, 2017 at 03:32 AM.

  6. #46

  7. #47

  8. #48

  9. #49

    Re: Greetings

    Quote Originally Posted by Iced_Monopoly View Post
    Shit tastes good though. They're also a pest. Literally fucking everywhere and destroying shit. I don't know why we aren't farming them. They are an actual environmental problem
    Theres an issue with wild kangeroo meat, its sadly has been found with a lot bacteria and disease causing strands. So, it's not really seen as a food source, atleast that's what my buddy told me awhile there.
    Last edited by Gastric Rachyl; December 20th, 2017 at 01:12 AM.

  10. #50

  11. #51

  12. #52

  13. #53

    Re: Greetings

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastric Rachyl View Post
    Lol, it's an arkansas location not even a Californian... Maybe we both need to get our shit together you syrup loving fool

    I literally have nothing else to do with my time. I got 24/7
    I love oops

    Spoiler : :

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  14. #54

    Re: Greetings

    PLEASE NOTE, THIS IS JUST A COPY AND PASTE FROM THE PAST:

    People of Starcraft 2 Mafia, some may hate me, some may agree, some may have no opinion.

    I have warned the staff to clean their moderator and admin teams or people who think their gods here and abuse their power.

    Ill probably get banned, flamed, or harassed. I really dont care. as this wont change a single fucking thing.

    I am now giving 7 days EXACTLY as of this hour on this day, for the staff to clean their team of black sheeps. I expect a report at day 7 whos getting kicked.

    If the staff does not comply, I will be buying the domain name, and cleaning EVERY staff on here and bringing people i know will judge correctly, and not judge on favor of who sucked their dicks most.

    Raptor told me the liscence dont expire before october, guess what? i hired a domain name broker and am ready to buy the website when i tell him. hope DR has 5 000 Dollars (hurray for deployments and big loads of cash coming with it) ready to buy it back. if he creates another site ill just buy this one too. along with taking over SC2 mafia arcade game.

    bitch all you want it wont change a thing. the only thing that will prevent me from buying it is if you work with me on this.

    I have seen several cases of mod/admin abuse on both the forums and the actual game, yet nothing has been done. time for this bs to end.

    last warning for staff.

    this is the information from my broker i got, just to prove im not joking around. im doing this for my kids also, like i said they love this game, and i will do anything for my kids.

    if DR attempts ANY legal actions agaisnt me, I wont hesitate to go back at him for copyright infringments. i really dont have to explain myself. DR knows what im talking about. if he has the least bit of respect and honesty towards others, He will not deny it (im not asking for him to acknoledge it in public, it is not my intentions of humiliating him)

    Thanks for you time
    Last edited by SuperJack; December 20th, 2017 at 05:24 AM.
    Cryptonic made this sig

  15. #55

  16. #56

    Re: Greetings

    Quote Originally Posted by Gastric Rachyl View Post
    MY DEMANDS!

    Greetings, I am known as "Not Rachyl", also known as gastric penguin. Many of you in the community knows my name. Others do not. I noticed awhile back I got banned. Honestly I didn't care, as I retired
    Attachment 23997

    It's come to my attention that a fellow toxic community member got banned.
    I'm not a fan of this, so, what will I do? Well, for the next few days you can
    expect me to be in lobbies close them, throwing them, and being toxic. I have
    accounts and a lot of time.
    Attachment 23994

    Attachment 23993
    That's fine, just don't come to me and ask me to stop. I will not stop. I will destroy this game if I have too.


    Now, I've already started this proccess. Within the last few day's i've already
    leave trained, completely thrown, been completely toxic, using very profane language
    I've done this on the 6 smurfs I am more than willing to loose. I've been making
    accounts throughout the month(s). I got plenty of accounts and the rest of this
    month to ruin this game. I also don't mind if you turn on nuclear. You're going to loose so many more players and have no new players joining. Works in my favor.

    I decided to go back and count the game(s). I've ruined a total of 14 so far. Screwed around atleast 100 ppl and completely made them waste their time, and their life

    You know I can and WILL do this. I've shut down this game for days preventing players from having a good game and made them quit. LOL
    Not only that, but i've recruited other players to join my crusade against the injustic that is mafia

    Gastric Penguin, Mokasa, and NotRachyl is coming back from retirement.
    Attachment 23995

    My demands are simple. I WANT THIS COMMUNITY TO BURN TO THE GROUND or a blank apology from arrow. That works to, please include my name ofcourse . Bans count too :0
    Attachment 23996



    And, IF I check the forums tomorrow and this is deleted than keep staff ingame all day. I will be there ruining every. SINGLE. GAME.





    I will be now under my new alias. BlackMailer
    Attachment 23998
    I Missed You So Much GstricPngn...

    You're My Favourite Troll/Hacker (Idk How Should I Call You Please Tell Me)

    Its Time For You To Make Our Dream Come True NAMafia Will Perish And EUMafia Will Be Reborn Under My Rule Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!

    Im Ready For This Haha

    Gstric We Are Counting On You!
    En Taro Monika!

  17. #57

    Re: Greetings

    @Gastric Rachyl

    On behalf of Arrow I would just like to say that I am really sorry man. Life can be pretty rough sometimes. Honestly your behavior can easily be equated to that of a child lashing out for attention. Sometimes negative attention is better than no attention I suppose. Once your forced to accept that you will never accomplish anything and that when you die your name will die with you it just makes sense to try to leave some kind of mark on the world. Better to be hated than irrelevant right?
    Quote Originally Posted by Gastric Rachyl View Post
    I literally have nothing else to do with my time. I got 24/7
    At some point you should step back and take a look at yourself. Ask yourself how you got to this point in your life where your life's purpose is to troll a small sub game for a video game online. Sure people will come to know your internet handle and you will cause a small amount of discomfort but this game is not everyone's life like it is yours. When you ruin a game its really not that big of a deal to them. Its just a small nuisance like the fly that lands on your cheeseburger when your trying to eat. They do not feel anger and pain like you think they do because they have a good life outside of this game and the game is a tiny footnote in their lives.

    I am really sorry that society has mistreated you to the point that you want to create a counterculture dedicated to spreading the pain you feel. I get that you find a sense of belonging in this endeavor and I genuinely hope that helps you feel ok. But I will point out that you choose this path for yourself. You are obviously a really smart guy and capable of doing quite a bit. Relegating yourself to this as your purpose in life is a waste of your ability and probably no longer brings the satisfaction that it use to. The fact that you are creating this thread to draw attention to yourself tells me that you are beginning to understand how little people care about what you are doing.

    One day your going to have to confront the person you have become and when that happens I hope you see that you could do more with your life than this. I really hope you understand that.

    Rethink your life or keep doing what your doing. Nobody really cares. Its just a video game

    You just cant look away...

  18. #58

    Re: Greetings

    Quote Originally Posted by Helz View Post
    @Gastric Rachyl

    On behalf of Arrow I would just like to say that I am really sorry man. Life can be pretty rough sometimes. Honestly your behavior can easily be equated to that of a child lashing out for attention. Sometimes negative attention is better than no attention I suppose. Once your forced to accept that you will never accomplish anything and that when you die your name will die with you it just makes sense to try to leave some kind of mark on the world. Better to be hated than irrelevant right?

    At some point you should step back and take a look at yourself. Ask yourself how you got to this point in your life where your life's purpose is to troll a small sub game for a video game online. Sure people will come to know your internet handle and you will cause a small amount of discomfort but this game is not everyone's life like it is yours. When you ruin a game its really not that big of a deal to them. Its just a small nuisance like the fly that lands on your cheeseburger when your trying to eat. They do not feel anger and pain like you think they do because they have a good life outside of this game and the game is a tiny footnote in their lives.

    I am really sorry that society has mistreated you to the point that you want to create a counterculture dedicated to spreading the pain you feel. I get that you find a sense of belonging in this endeavor and I genuinely hope that helps you feel ok. But I will point out that you choose this path for yourself. You are obviously a really smart guy and capable of doing quite a bit. Relegating yourself to this as your purpose in life is a waste of your ability and probably no longer brings the satisfaction that it use to. The fact that you are creating this thread to draw attention to yourself tells me that you are beginning to understand how little people care about what you are doing.

    One day your going to have to confront the person you have become and when that happens I hope you see that you could do more with your life than this. I really hope you understand that.

    Rethink your life or keep doing what your doing. Nobody really cares. Its just a video game
    1.I Thought You Were Dead Too lol

    2.Stop Trying To Fool Him With Real Life
    En Taro Monika!

  19. #59

  20. #60

 

 

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