Based on a true story
I saw the issue, from the moment I entered the public restroom.
For this time comes in every man's life - there were only 4 urinals, and 2 were in use. I felt the urge to pretend I had a shit to take. No, something said within myself. I can't procrastinate this forever, for one day I must graze hips with a fellow urinator, even if it's awkward. And so, I puffed my chest out, and strode over to the middle-left urinal. Standing over the urinal, I prepared to unzip. But wait...
I hear the trickling stop to my right, and glance the far right man retreating from his post. I can take the far right urinal instead - it has opened itself to me. I stand transfixed for a moment - do I snatch this opportunity? I can take the easy way out. I can pee in peace. NO! The voice returns. You have claimed your territory. To back out now would only mean defeat. The voice is right. I'm no beta, after all. I unzip, and prepare for take-off.
It's at this moment, I realize there is no trickling to my left either - but he's not retreating. No, no, no! My poor, far-left urinary companion has frozen up under the pressure of peeing next to someone else. He still has so much to give but cannot give it. I was certain this is the case - I know that look - that look of intense concentration - of a man who has not truly satisfied his bladder. He can feel my staring. He looks to his right. I wish I could explain it to him. I wish I could explain that I just needed something to look at while I started to pee. I'm no homo. I feel a deep regret. He sees me looking at him.
We lock eyes.
I begin to urinate.
He just couldn't do it. He just couldn't perform. He zipped up. Moments later I glanced him making his way towards the shitter. Perhaps I overanalyzed the situation. Perhaps he simply realized he had a bit he needed to get out of the other orifice. We shall never know the truth. We can only interpret the past the best we can.
However, whatever the chain of events that lead to my rise to power, my rise to power was undeniable. I reigned lone and supreme over the urinals. I felt a rush of satisfaction comparable to winning an argument or getting a high grade on a test. I was *half-second pause* the man.
Discuss.